u/ClassicInstance9470

I don't know what to do, im a male and I've been dealing with wanting to be a woman since around 12 years old and I'm in my damn 30s now, I spent years bottling it up and actually did pretty good at it for a 10 year span , I have friends I have had for years good guys and family members. But they would completely shun me and probly make fun of me and never talk to me again if I ever came out with this shit. I can go into details how and why I know for a fact I'm trans but long story short for the past few years I've basically became a alcoholic I can't take this anymore.. I started calling these thoughts from the devil himself, I needed to vent.. I need some advice idk wtf to do anymore