u/Clarkgriswoldwannabe

(The following is a work of satire, and does not represent the actual thoughts or procedure of any higher up in GameStop in particular. And no animals were harmed in the making of this post)

Hello Worthless Scum I MEAN my beloved store managers!

First off, thanks to all of you for what you did this first quarter in getting me a big fat bonus! I promise to send pictures of myself rolling around on all the money on a bed.

And those of you who didn’t contribute to my Scrooge McDuck money vault? Well, I’ll be having a hard conversation about accountability - how I love that word, yummy yummy “accountability”, which is just a big way of saying I’m going to tell you how you are the King of Suck Balls Mountain - with your spineless DM, who will take out their anger and feelings of worthlessness on you - since they can’t take it out on me! That’s the golden rule - whoever has the gold makes the rules!

Sunday is a brand new quarter! That means all of you are starting from zero again. Yes, zero! Nothing you did in the last 13 weeks matters. At all! You get a fresh start at the bottom of the heap. So you better be ready to scratch, claw, and fight your way to the top from the moment the door open! If you haven’t met every goal I have for you within the first hour, then we are going to have a tough conversation! Tough for you, not for me. It’s easy for me because I’ve managed to let go of all my humanity in the vain hope that the CEO will bless me with a look in my direction.

So get on the floor and get selling! Who cares if every person who comes in is terrified and appalled to come back because you’re more aggressive than a frat boy at an 80’s house party? Maximize every guest! Squeeze all you can every time. Add stuff to the sale without them asking for it, it’s called being assumptive! Let’s get that shareholder value up so that when everyone cashes out, they’re in the money and you’re in the streets! You got this!

Sincerely,
Your RM.

(I’d bet most who read this will say, “Yup, that’s MY RM.”. So what does THAT say about the leadership around here, Grapevine?)