Seeking support after leaving a traumatic and confusing relationship
| (F/24) recently ended a year-long relationship with my bf M/25 that has left me feeling traumatized and fearful for my safety. I am looking for support and perspective as I try to process what happened.
The relationship was defined by several deeply concerning patterns:
Projected Identity Issues: My ex-partner was obsessed with "graphic gay jokes," made frequent comments about the male physique, and consumed gay media, yet adamantly denied being bisexual when asked gently. He would point gay men always, say things like is it gay to do this or that?? Over time, I realized our intimacy felt performative and
"fake," leading me to believe he was struggling with his sexuality and projecting that frustration onto me.
Deception: He consistently lied about his porn consumption, he said he does not watch but I found videos involving themes of reluctance and non-consent.
Hostility & Misogyny: He frequently made derogatory, "sl.t-shaming," and body-shaming (like women's vaginas smell like fish) comments about women that made me feel degraded and uncomfortable.
Physical Violence: During intimacy, once I moved in a way that bothered him, he slapped me and told me "don't move." This use of physical force to control my body during vulnerable moments was terrifying.
The Final Straw: He made a horrific "joke" about drugging and graping me. This was the breaking point.
Since leaving, I have been struggling with nightmares, hypervigilance, and a constant fear for my physical safety. I know I did the right thing by getting out, but the emotional aftermath feels overwhelming. I would appreciate any advice on how to heal from this level of betrayal and fear