AIO with my feelings about how a family member is handling their newborn?
I’m really struggling with whether I’m overreacting here or not.
A family member has a newborn under 3 months old, and recently I witnessed one of them doing what they called “advanced vestibular stimulation.” It involved things like tossing the baby upward, spinning him around, holding him upside down by his legs, and doing “flying” motions. All without consistently supporting the baby’s head and neck, and all while high above the ground.
It honestly made me really uncomfortable to watch. It looked like they were playing with a doll. The baby is not a “super baby” that has developed faster than typical. The are just learning to lift their head. It lasted a few minutes, but it felt like an eternity. I ended up leaving earlier than I intended because I didn’t know what to do.
Another family member had witnessed similar “exercises” when the baby was around 5 weeks old. They were concerned and said something to the parents in the moment but were immediately shut down. I didn’t take them seriously at the time because it sounded so exaggerated that it couldn’t possibly be true. However, after witnessing it myself, I believed them, and we’ve been talking about it all week.
When I asked the parent about it, they said it’s safe and “scientifically backed” for development, and pointed me toward some online content. I took that seriously and looked into it myself, reviewing peer-reviewed research, paediatric guidance, physio/OT sources, and even the kinds of social media content they might be seeing. I also spoke with a few parent friends.
From what I can tell, there is support for gentle vestibular stimulation in infants (like rocking, swaying, tummy time, etc.), but everything credible emphasizes slow, controlled movement with full head and neck support, especially under 4–6 months. I couldn’t find anything reputable supporting tossing, spinning, or holding a newborn upside down by the legs without support or safety measures. Even within the social media resources they sent me. They are not following guidance from a local physio, OT, or pediatrician.
I’m not trying to be judgmental. I’m a parent too, and I know we all just want what’s best for our kids. But this feels like a pretty big gap between what’s being recommended and what’s actually happening.
For context, this isn’t a one-off. It’s a “protocol” for “baby maxxing” that they do regularly and confidently. I have tried sharing my concerns directly and asked for evidence so I could better understand their reasoning, but I was shut down and criticized. After that, I felt worse than before, gaslit and questioning myself for feeling this way.
I ended up speaking to my therapist about how to process this and how to thoughtfully navigate my relationship with this family member. It has been affecting me significantly. I haven’t been eating, sleeping, or working well. I needed help managing my mental health. What I didn’t realize is that this situation would meet the threshold for mandatory reporting, and my therapist was required to report it to child services. This was not my intention at all. I will likely have to speak with a social worker at some point, and I’m terrified. Where I live, mandatory reporting is also legally required for the general public.
I told the family member in person what happened because I wanted to be honest and get ahead of it. It did not go well. They doubled down and blamed me for “doing this” to them. I was told I should not have spoken to anyone outside the family, that I’m overprotective, and that I’m a “family divider.” It has become very hostile, to the point where I was told not to cooperate with CPS or to lie to shut it down. Apparently, I’m the only one who can “stop this.” I don’t believe that’s true. I assume CPS will make their own decisions. It has also created tension with the family member who originally came to me with concerns.
I care deeply about this family member and their baby, which is why this is weighing on me so much. I truly feel that if this weren’t a family member, I would be more objective and confident in how serious this is.
So… am I overreacting for being this concerned?
UPDATE: Things have certainly gone south fast with the family. There were threats to report my partner and I to CPS in retaliation if we “dare” give names. Lots of other scare tactics. Life is currently in turmoil for speaking to a therapist about my feelings about something someone else was doing.
CPS did call. I was objective as possible to state only details. I also enquired what was my legal obligations to give identifying info. I was informed that I need not comply to them at that time, however they have the authority to get court orders. With that may come further legal ramifications for both my partner and I as witnesses. They also said in this scenario education would be the most likely approach with not much consequences if everything was kosher after that. So obviously I complied now rather than to be forced to later.
The family members currently disowned me even though I told them all this. My conscience is clean, but this is the worst choice(not actual choice) I’ve ever had to make. Gutted