u/CitricBobcat

I’m a male. 45y/o. My wife is 46. Together 10 years, married 8.
She was born and raised in China until her 20’s. So sometimes I don’t understand what she wants.
I love her to death. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I truly try my best to be a good husband.
However, she has these little snarky comments.
There are many examples I could give that either pissed me off or hurt my feelings.
Today, for example. She got me a Chinese herbal medicine bracelet. It was a thought full gift and I appreciate it. It’s a medicine super tightly molded in to beads. Well, it came with a ton of instructions she gave me. Can’t get it wet, told I shouldn’t wear it at work…etc.
well, in the grocery store today I asked her a question about it to make sure I didn’t ruin it. Her answers to these types of questions always follow the same pattern. She will tell me what to do, but follows every answer with “but it’s you, so….” She assumes I’ll ruin it or otherwise fuck it up somehow.
Another example from today. I told her how i fixed the coffee machine at my work. She seemed surprised and
Said “sometimes your brain works”. Other phrases in an almost daily basis include “think! Use your brain.”
So today instead of shutting my mouth i told her she didn’t have to throw in the “well its you so im preparing myself for when you. do ruin it.”
I should have kept my fucking mouth shut but I said she didn’t always have say “well, it’s you so….”
I told her she didn’t need to say things like that because it hurts my feeling and makes me feel useless and incompetent.
Well, that back fired big time. What I said was those types of off handed comments hurt and lower my confidence and make me think I’m stupid.
She completely turned to argument on me. She said I told her to shut up, which I did not. Now she’s super mad at me because I told her those types of comments make me feel bad personally and as a husband.
Now she’s accusing me of not trusting her and telling her to shut up. She then escalated everything accusing me of being mean. After we got hime, she started in with all the “do what to do with it” (the bracelet). Also making comments about how life didnt work our the way she wanted.
Im constantly on edfe of saying or doing the wrong thing that would make her mad. I’m even driving slower on the way home just to have a few extra minutes where it’s impossible to piss her off. When I get home from work, there’s never a “hey honey” or “how was your day”
I initiate 99% of any embracing or a hug and kiss at night.
All I did was ask her to not say things that hurt my feelings or make me feel dumb
Also, we’ve had three failed IVF treatments of which none resulted it a pregnancy. I strongly believe she blames me resents me for not being able to give her a child.
I bust my ass working in the front and backyards and maybe, if I’m lucky she’ll say the yard looks good or good job.
She used to be professor at a nationally well know university and has a PhD. Since we’ve been married she quit teaching college and has worked at a jewelry store and now works a winery which she hates. I cant help but feel I’m the reason why…like I’ve brought her career down and she resents me for it. I damn well know deep down she resents me for us not having a child already and with our age, it has a high chance of never happening