In all honesty I’ve given up. I swear to god everything in this life just feels so fake. As dumb as it sounds, it sounds just like that Radiohead song “fake plastic trees”. Everyone pretending to care about people like us but that’s not the case. It’s just all so fucking performative especially due to the social separations I have with my autism
And after spending 6 months alone, I don’t know what to do because at this point I feel like I need to rely on others all the time just to survive due to my crippling adhd. To make food, to go out, to work, etc.
I’ve never been able to maintain a job for very long because I end up getting fired because my bosses have issues with my autism and I never seem to understand what they imply when giving me orders.
I am just so lonely and tired and exhausted and done. I have absolutely 0 drive to continue keep going and I’ve begun to drink daily to just pass the pain. I just want to die already but i’m too afraid to do it. I feel so fucking trapped in this world and I hate that I was even born. I think often about how I wish my mother had just aborted me.