(18M here) Last night my first ever boyfriend broke up with me.
We need some background: I met him online in January 2026 and we started talking. He was very funny and chill and also not a pervert so i thought i finally found someone good.
He lives like 160km (100mi) away from me so it was long distance but it wasn't so hard to reach him because i have some relatives in his city.
I mean, in the first month he was just a friend, then the conversation went a little flirty on his part, but absolutely not sexual, which was fine to me.
He started to ''court'' me and i felt really good because he was very cute and loving and affectionate. Then we started to talk about our deepest feelings and started playing together, calling at night, and i really started to like him.
We had our first date in my home town at the beginning of March. He was pretty shy, we didn't do much. The city in which i live is very homophobic so we couldn't kiss in the streets so we went to a public park and kissed.
It was my first kiss with a boy and i felt like i was in heaven, it was beautiful. I felt truly alive in that moment. When he had to go i gave him a letter i'd written and started shaking and crying. I missed him already, and in that moment i understood i was smitten with him.
After that date we continued chatting and talking but he gradually began to distance himself. I noticed a little change in his behaviour. I thought that was overthinking but it wasn't.
We met for the second and last time in early april. I went to his house, we pretended i was a friend in front of his parents.
We had some kissing, touching but we haven't had sex, just some hand stuff you know. I slept with him and it was beautiful, waking up near the boy you love, it's literally the best feeling ever. That second and last day i cried in his arms, i already felt the distance. It was humiliating.
I had prepared a CD for him and some letters (that i forgot and i still have). At the train station i gave him the only thing i didn't forget, the CD, then kissed him on the cheek in public and left without looking back. I was crying and shaking on the train, and that feeling stayed for the following days.
Since that day he started to distance himself even more, he no longer say "i love you" as often as before.
Yes when i said it to him he would answer "me too" but i knew it wasn't the same.
We started calling and playing less but i thought he was busy with school.
Then it happened:
Last saturday there was a con in my city.
He came with his sister and his sister's boyfriend.
He didn't look for me, he didn't want to meet me.
I mean we talked about this previously, he said "i'm coming with my sister, so i don't know if i'll be able to meet you."
Imho that's an excuse because i don't believe you can't find even just a minute for me, for the person you're supposed love.
After he left he told me he regretted not meeting me and apologized.
I was angry, but above all i was very disappointed.
So last night i texted him, asking if he was happy with me and if there was something wrong.
He sent a text, saying he doesn't feel ready for a relationship and he doesn't love me anymore.
I couldn't believe what i was reading, i knew there was something wrong but damn this was not what i supposed.
He didn't even want to call me so i asked him for a final call.
I was crying, like I'd never cried in my life and i asked him why? Why all of this? Why now and why he doesn't love me.
He said that it's his fault, he couldn't handle the weight of a relationship.
I was feeling like shit and didn't sleep all night.
Today i sent him one last text saying goodbye in a better way than yesterday, andi gave him some advices.
He was nice in the response saying it was all his fault and that i deserve better than him.
I know that some of you may think this is not a big deal.
But it is for me.
I still love him, i still hope this is just a bad dream and i would really give anything to have him back.
I just find all of this unbelievable, I loved him and I hope he loved me.
We were happy, or at least I thought so.
I know I need to get over this but I can't and I don't want.
Because I know I will eventually forget him but it's so fucking hard and at the moment I don't want to do that.
He was the first boy that saw the real me, that didn't care if I wasn't perfect and I really really started to think about a future for us.
4 months is not a lot but it's my first relationship so is not that easy.
I just need some advices so please share your thoughts