My childhood abuser died recently
I found out that my abuser recently died.
I spent so much of my young adult life waiting or hoping for it. I gave too much time trying to blame everything I could on them and came to terms with accepting responsibility for myself and my actions.
Now, after all of that pain and growth, I feel nothing. I'm not relieved. I don't feel bad for their relatively short life. I am close with their son and I feel sympathy for the loss of a parent. I dont know what I expected.
I don't think there is much to dwell on, but it is a weird experience. No weight lifted no tears. I guess I just wanted to feel something and I just have void and the shimmering feeling of melancholy.
I guess its just lonely. I dont feel entitled to complain about a nothing feeling and I don't have a desire to celebrate.