My main account is having issues, so some may recognize the story, but I still can't even grasp how much my life has actually changed in such a short amount of time. I'm still having such a hard time letting go of him "getting away" with it and the lies he's told, even though I know I should be grateful, that it means less of him. I can't escape it from my head, or at night, it just keeps replaying.
Dec 2023, I found out I was pregnant after 7 months of trying and thought we were happier than ever in our marriage. March/April 2024, the cracks started, then at 10 weeks postpartum I got proof of the cheating. Over 25 AP's at that point, I learned last month that one of the AP's stayed with him despite me telling her we had a 2 year old and newborn at home. I assumed they all left him. She had only been on 2 dates when I confronted her, so not like she had an excuse of being deep in love. I obviously filed divorce since it was over 25 women and I honestly hadn't looked back on the AP's.
Now fast forward to March 2026, I find out that he was still seeing that woman. So all the lies when he couldn't help with her as a newborn, the missed hospital visits when the kids were sick, the holidays he missed, so much deceit, while he was off with her. Before finding out he was love bombing me for 12 weeks and I was joking everyday with my coworkers wondering when it would blow up again because from November to January he was raging out so it was weird that he suddenly was being nice outta nowhere. I keep wondering what if I never found out, how he could continue to lie to my face every single day, etc. Never did I expect this to be how it blew up.
This time hurt worse though when confronted, no apology, no nothing. I was used to the paragraphs and pages and pages of apologies like in the past. This one was brief, "it wasn't a few years" and there was a typo so i couldn't tell if he meant it was over a few months, or only been a few months, but still that was it. It blows my mind how this man could be married to me for 14 years, have 2 kids with me, plan this pregnancy, and then be in a nearly 2 year relationship, while I was raising our two babies by myself. It killed me that he had no real consequences. I grieved an entire life and identity with a newborn and toddler in my arms while he was off in a honeymoon phase. It blows my mind how he could even pull it off.
While this was going on, I only found out through the girlfriends sister, that he was denying paternity of our children to everybody. I found out a breeding fetish and the 25 women he cheated was actually over 100 women. I could see a lot of it on his fetlife account, so there's some relief, he's not suddenly a great boyfriend, in fact he active while this was all going through, he updated his profile a few weeks before and added new pictures 3 weeks before, but it still pisses me off so much that he just gets to tell people "oh that's just my crazy ex" and that's enough. Like really, his mother and girlfriend believed our innocent baby wasn't his. The baby that looked exactly like him and our first. The baby he pays child support for, etc. I just don't understand why was he visiting weekly if telling people he wasn't their father. What was his end goal going to be? He went as far as telling his mom he got a paternity test that ruled him out, so it's not like that's something you could recover from.
We had one visit since then, he told my 4 year old he hated her and wished he wasn't her father and that was it. I told him I wasn't going to be doing visits anymore after that and he read it on 4/8 but there was no response. No message since. I don't know if he's truly gone forever, part of me thinks so, but it's hard to even process without a discussion. I laid out all the abuse and hell he put me through, so at least I feel like I got to get everything out, but it's really just nothing, silence. He could pop up tomorrow demanding visits and that part stresses me out, but I feel like the liklihood is pretty low. I have it documented so many times trying to discuss a plan for the kids and the impact of what he said on our daughter, so I do feel like I had grounds not to do a visit immediately after that because he had supervised visits only, and he decided to say that on a supervised visits, but there's just so much craziness.
I can barely remember what life was like before this drama. I'm glad I don't remember the good parts anymore, but it's just trying to figure out WTF was this. He feels like such a monster, but I hate that people believe him. I hate he moves through the world being loved and adorned, while he hurt two innocent babies. He supposedly has a baby on the way with another woman and has a secret 8 year old, so now I'm just wondering how many more kids are out there after seeing the breeding fetish.
but it's so hard, I try to address in therapy and my therapist told me she doesn't think he's my stressor. Like I'm pretty sure this still is my stressor. It just feels like so much.
I've been using my alimony and child support to go on vacation and it helps having something to look forward to every few months, but for the weeks and months in between I don't even know how to distract myself anymore.
I've tried dating apps, but I have to delete them within days, I have zero free time to even message people back, but then it's triggering because how did he manage to cheat with 100 women, how did he have time to message them all, take them on dates, etc. At the time I filed, he had at least 3 girlfriends of 2-3 years so overlapping my first pregnancy. I don't even know why it was so shocking to find out he had another this time around, but it's crazy that nothing got to him, nothing slowed him down, he's still moving through life like he's not a monster, while I have a 4 and 1.5 year old and I don't even know how to begin telling them anything because I have no idea if he will pursue visits again.