Hi everyone,
I’m a 23M and I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and body dysmorphic disorder for about 5 years now. I’ve always had ups and downs, but the last couple of weeks have been really rough.
It feels like each depressive episode is getting worse than the last. I used to think I could get used to it, but right now I feel worse than I ever have. I’ve been having random crying spells out of nowhere, feeling constantly hopeless, and thinking about suicide almost all day. The only things stopping me right now are my mom and this feeling that I’m not even worthy of dying, because I haven’t achieved anything in my life.
At the same time, my manic episodes seem to be getting shorter and more unstable. Instead of lasting longer, I get very brief bursts (sometimes around 10 minutes), and then I crash into an even deeper depression afterward.
I’m still forcing myself to go to work because I need to pay bills, and I’ve also been saving money for plastic surgery. But if I’m honest, everything feels pointless right now.
I don’t see much hope for the future, especially if these episodes keep getting worse. This doesn’t feel like a sustainable way to live.
Has anyone experienced something similar, where depressive episodes get progressively worse and manic phases get shorter? How do you deal with it?
Thanks for reading.