Summers coming up soon and I really just want a guy to hangout with during the summer. I love hanging out with my friends and family but sometimes I just miss that male companionship. However I wouldn’t say I’m 100% moved on from my ex but at the same time I feel ready to start seeing someone as just a summer fling. How do I go on about this or should I take more time to heal myself?
I miss the version of him when we first started getting to know each other and dating. He was so himself: kind, bubbly, energetic, happy. That version of him is so special and will always be so special to me. During the end of our relationship he suddenly got this weird ego. He suddenly changed his style and his personality went away with it. After our breakup he looks so sad and he doesn’t even look or feel like himself anymore. We tried to be friends after our breakup but I could tell he changed so much and he was just really rude sometimes which he was never like before. I miss him but not the version of him right now just who he used to be and that’s the hardest part cuz that version doesn’t exist anymore. Anyone relate?
This is coming from personal experience as my ex and I had this dynamic.
When one person does all the emotional work in the relationship (setting boundaries, bringing up mature conversations, etc) while the other sees all of it as a personal attack.
When my ex and I dated I had some very reasonable boundaries in my opinion. For example I don’t want him liking his past talking stages instagram posts , I didn’t want him texting his female friends when he was hanging out or on a date with me and I just wanted him to put in the same amount of effort as me. When I would bring these things up he would always see them as me trying to argue. He broke up with me and said I drained him cuz I always argued with him even though I was just setting up reasonable boundaries.
When we started dating he told me I was like a breath of fresh air. He said his past partners have all been in similar social circles so same interests, hobbies, music taste, style etc. He said because they were already so similar, it felt almost inauthentic and like he wasn’t experiencing anything new. When he met me, he told me he loved how different I was. We are not remotely in the same type of circle and we have completely different interests and hobbies. He said it felt like he could learn so much from me and we could talk about different things together. And because we had no overlaps in friends or anything, we could experience each other from a completely fresh and new light and it was peaceful. However when we broke up and he was angry at me, he told me that me and him were too different and that we would never get along cuz I would never be able to understand him and he wants someone who can. Idk just hurt a lot
During a relationship, u can be blinded by the love u have for someone. It took me a while of no contact to truly realize that the relationship ended for good and he was not my person. I was in denial over this for a while but I’m finally starting to accept it.
I was never going to be fully comfortable with the fact that 90% of his friends are girls. No matter how much he proves to me that his friendships are purely platonic, there have been several incidences where he has made me feel insecure about his friendships with these girls (telling them our personal stuff and prioritizing seeing them over me etc.)
I didn’t live a healthy life style with him. Whenever he was over at my house, I would cook nutritious meals and I always had enough food for us to share and eat. Whenever we were over at his, he was also too lazy to cook food and often didn’t buy or offer me any food so we would just starve and not eat much cuz he didn’t eat a lot. I lost a lot of weight when I was with him and not in a healthy way.
Didn’t spark any curiosity . When I am looking for a partner, I want someone who can stimulate my interests, teach me new things and I can have deep conversations with. I never had that with him. He wouldn’t ever have anything important to talk about and I never learnt anything new from him the same way I did with other guys. I also feel like we weren’t on the same level intellectually cuz we could never have a super deep or thought provoking convo.
he was lazy. Stopped planning dates after a while and would just lay around all day. I want someone who is adventurous and can push me to try new things.
we had different love languages. When I love someone, I give them gifts, cook for them, acts of service, and provide words of affirmation. Those are things I like to receive as well. I would do all those things for him, but he never did much for me so idk how to receive his love as I couldn’t understand how he showed it.
our families were very different. My family was very welcoming, we would always invite him for family dinners and he became very close with my parents. His parents never really invited me over and they don’t talk to me much so I always felt left out with them.
he didn’t have a car or license. I know this one may be controversial but I feel like it was a huge factor in our relationship. I am working on getting my license but he has 0 interest in even trying. I would often times have to transit a very long time to see him whereas he didn’t do that as much for me. I would be very drained after seeing him bcuz I am spending so much time at night on the train and he wouldn’t even offer to buy me an Uber or something. Again it was an effort thing bcuz he didn’t feel like taking the train to see me as often as I did for him.
Hey guys! Just thought I’d share some ways that I’ve been trying to heal since my breakup. In no means am I fully healed, but these things have been very helpful.
I know a lot of ppl say to avoid looking at photos, listening to songs or doing things that remind u of ur ex. However for me, it’s kind of like an exposure therapy kind of thing. I force himself to listen to songs that remind me of him, look at pics of him and walk by places we used to go. After some time, I no longer feel sad listening to those songs and walking by those places because I am so used to it now and no longer tie the memory back to him. Sometimes avoiding something can make it hit u later on which might not be good.
focussing on my mental and physical health. I’ve been eating healthier, being more active, getting enough sleep and starting therapy. It took me a long time to get back into a schedule again but doing these things make me feel a lot better about myself
remembering that there’s a life after them just like there was one before them. They are not ur forever person, remember that. In a few years down u will meet someone who is truly right for u and u will forget why u were even sad about them!! I told myself that I would never get over the guy from a few years ago, but if I hadn’t, how would I have met my ex lol! And how lucky I am to get to experience love from different people, I can’t wait to see who I love next after I heal!!
For 3 weeks now I’ve been having dreams about him every night, when does it stop
I’ve been doing a lot of healing since my breakup, but something I can’t stop thinking about is how much fun I would be having if I was still with my ex right now. We promised each other we would have a fun summer and do so much stuff together. Now schools off, and everytime I do something fun with my friends I can’t help but imagine what it would be like to do that with him as well. All our summer plans, I’m so sad it won’t happen anymore but I just keep imagining how fun this summer would’ve been with him and it makes me feel really sad😭 I also really just miss the excitement of knowing I have plans with him the next day but now it feels like my life is missing something. He is also transferring to my college this year and it’s like damn we would’ve had so much fun at school together 😭