How do I get over the fact that I will never have a mother figure or know that kind of love? Like after cutting her off. I am at the age where I have learnt that unfortunately you cannot replace it with good friends or a relationship or successes, if feels like that gap is always just there. I made the mistake of staying with a friend for a while and it just showed me what I could never have no matter what I did, I cannot change who birthed me and people don't just open their families to you in that way- even in-laws.
I have grown up but I still cry over this. It was honestly easier when I was younger, I had that fire and fuel but now... I am older, had years to process it all, why am I still sad about this fact that didn't seem to really bother me as a teen?
I thought that I didn't want a mother in general because the idea of a "mother figure" wasn't actually comforting to me and never has been. Why do I feel incomplete? How do I fix this. I don't want to live with this melancholy theme in the background whenever I do anything- the constant reminder that I dont really have a mother and everyone around me seemingly does. I am usually not the jealous type either.