u/Choice-Berry-5822

Okay so I’m a senior in high school and I have a veryyyyyyyy important exam in 4 days. The first attempt of 2. I have studied bit during finals week (last week) but now that I’m off school I’m so burnt out and I’m constantly crying I cannot catch a break and I just cannot see myself passing or even studying. The pressure my parents are putting on me calling me lazy and noncaring and that I’m gonna be a failure. The amount of anxiety I carry daily is starting to show up physically. I either eat a lot or don’t eat I either move a lot or just don’t want to move. I genuinely have never felt so lost or stressed. I even look different. Everyone around me seems to have their shit together or not even care but I’m a fucking mess. I need to get into college or I genuinely think I might lose my privileges. I barely even want to wake up in the morning. That’s how miserable the inside of my min is
Please anyone going through the same thing let me know how you’re doing.

Ok so I’ve never really come on pages like this before nor do I ever really share how I feel especially not online but I feel like I’ve gotten to a really bad place and want to feel less alone / lost? I’m only 18 but I’ve been heavily suicidal since I was 15 and I never really ever planned anything but it’s always an option that lingers in the back of my mind. I’m actually someone who loves to enjoy life and the little things I’m very sentimental but it’s the environment around me that is slowly killing me and really making life seem so empty for me . Makes me feel like I’m behind and already a failure and I haven’t even begun yet. I unfortunately have gotten to the point where if somebody talks about the future or big life events I often cry because I have a feeling I won’t be around to see it all happen. Not to be cocky but I’m someone of many artistic talents. I like to create art through music , painting , I love fashion but lately I have no desire for anything and when I do, it’s not enjoyable anymore because I’ve become so critical of myself. I am or used to be a pretty driven person and I still want to do things but I can never get out of bed or off my phone . Sorry if this is long I can’t seem to put my feelings into words. Especially not summarized .