Dying Relationship (F18 and M18)
Me (18F) and my bf (18M) have been together for two years. It might not seem like a lot, but for teen standards it is honestly. Things really did start out great and for information we are each others first relationship. Everything we did besides kissing was truly our first time. And, honestly, for a something so raw we were quite understanding at the beginning when it came to misunderstandings, meeting out standards and showing love in a way that made both of us comfortable. At the beginning, at least. Now though it's a different situation.
Such as any couple we had our problems, maybe more than a usual one. That was mainly because of the fact that we met in a shared friend group that eventual fell apart, us being in the middle. And, honestly, even the worst situations then we handled very well. A lot of understanding and love, never forgetting our values. So you can say I had pretty high hopes. That was until we both struck a very difficult social situation.
I lost my friends (he had part in that and I'm aware it sounds bad) and he lost his. I felt pretty lost and started depending a lot more on him, so did he for some time. We were fighting a lot more, mainly because of the fact that i had gotten VERY sensitive during the whole ordeal of losing my stable ground. He eventually got back up on his feet and so did I kind of (I still don't have a stable friend group but i have worked on my mental situation a lot, healed and accepted). But even after this, thing just got worse. I don't know why and spent many nights trying to figure it out.
There was constantly something between us. Sometimes distance, not making time, people and so on. Our fights were getting worse with yelling, never name calling, but we never resolved our arguments the same way. No more sweetness or lovingness after a fight. He basically did everything he could to just stop the fight, whilst I tried my best to find the root and fix everything. Which later on became an even bigger problem since we didn't really finish our fights because of him and i just ended up never really getting over it. I kept on bringing up old problems since in my head they were never really worked through, and he kept on getting annoyed. This created a horrible cycle as you could only imagine.
Then he got a job, created even more distance. He kept on putting a lot less effort, kind of accepting that he had an excuse every time. And don't get me wrong i completely understand being tired and drained, but it got to a point where he made time and space for everyone except me. I brought it up many times, just made me feel guilty and so i left it alone.
Since then he quit, and well guess what? Even with all of this free time, same results. Almost no time, calls, plans. Even the little things such as complements (only when he wanted sex which made things even weirder), silly tik-toks and other cute efforts. I have brought every single thing up, same reactions. He always says he puts in the effort and i just don't see, which to be fair he does on some occasions, but a once in a while is nothing compared to what we were.
I can still see we love each other, i just genuinely miss it all. I miss him doing everything in his power to see me, to make me feel loved, to care. Now i just feel like he lost the need to. "He has me so what's the point?" right? And i really do wanna try to mend things, i wanna give it a shot. So if you guys have any advice please do tell, even if it is against me or my ways i enjoy criticism. And thank you for your time even if you just took a second to read! 😄
TL;DR: My 2-year relationship has become distant and emotionally exhausting after a difficult period in both our lives. I feel like I’m the only one trying to work through issues and keep the relationship emotionally close, and I want advice on whether this can be fixed.