What brings you guys such joy that nothing else can?
I never really thought about it since now, but I realised now.
when others think about me, when I get invited, or even just being mentioned in a group where I am not present.
For others it's such a normal thing, but for me, man, it's something else. I have basically no one who cares about me. I am so lonely and surrounded by hypocrite friends who turn their back after we have a good time, then shift their attitude. I get used like a fucking condom, just a temporary asset.
I hate this more than anything else. There is just a part of me that's grieving the feeling of closeness and spending time with each other.
Therefore, every worry, hate or sadness is being shot to oblivion once someone wants to simply hang out.
This Joy, these heartwarming conversations, and funny moments are so... I cannot describe it. I sound so fucking miserable right now, especially because I am crying while writing this.
But all of that is just a fucking illusion, these are just travelers in my life. I mean nothing to them. the value I put on these people? If they treated me with only 5% of what I offered. I would be the happiest person ever.
Anyways, that's me just venting. I wish you guys a nice day and a cool pillow at night :)