Update: sharing bed with hot meta
Alright everyone, I have been asked again and again to do an update on this post that I did shortly before new year’s eve:
https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/s/ChiZpPdzlX
I am really sorry that it took me so long, life happened. It was so much fun to read my old post again though, as things have changed so much since then.
So here is what happened:
After all the great comments I got I decided that there really is no way around talking it out beforehand. So I asked partner to arrange a meeting for the three of us. I then started the conversation by asking everyone about their limits and expectations concerning the sleeping arrangement. For example how much/how little clothing they’d be ok with in the bed and how much physical intimacy would be ok between the two sets of partners. Meta looked really confused and blurted out “What do you mean? I thought we’re planning on having a threesome!”
That was so unexpected that we all broke out in laughter for a solid 5 minutes. I felt so relieved and stupid and smart, all at the same time.
In my initial post I said that I had a gut feeling that she might want that and maybe make a move on NYE, but she never ever said anything explicit about us doing anything together. So my gut feeling was spot on but I felt really stupid for making such a fuss about it and not just trusting my feeling and just addressing the question directly.
So after we all clarified that everyone would be on board with the idea of a threesome, we started planning the fun and openly discussing potential risks. It felt really good and also made it much clearer to me that she was actually really into me, and really wanted to explore this for herself. So my worries were all heard, discussed and cleared up. You were all so right.
Unfortunately, on new year’s eve in the afternoon I realised that I had a very painful cystitis. I literally had this only once in my life before. Such an unbelievable bad luck. I was soooo angry and disappointed and sad and exhausted and in pain, I was very close to cancelling and spending the evening alone in bed, crying. But ended up dragging myself to meta’s place. Partner was already there. When I arrived, meta was soooo lovely and caring and provided me with medicine, tea and a hot water bottle, so I instantly felt so much better mentally and gradually also physically.
So we agreed that we could still have fun, just without any involvement of my poor and sore bits.
After dinner we made ourselves comfortable and started playing a game based on the wheel of consent, to kind of test the waters. Partner and I were both quite hesitant and went very slowly, asking for shoulder rubs and stuff like that, because we were both worried that meta might become overwhelmed. Well that was so wrong. She basically expressed that she would rather like to get naked and sweaty immediately. So that’s what we did then and we ended up having a lot of fun. Although I have to admit that in my condition I couldn’t enjoy it 100%. But it was still very nice and I didn’t worry about any potential bad feelings anymore. We slept together all cuddled up, woke up all sweaty because of the extra body heat of 3 people, had a shower and continued the fun. Somewhere in between we also had champagne and watched the fireworks of course, but I don’t remember much of that, it really didn’t matter to us.
I was previously worried that meta’s and my relationship might change, but it somehow didn’t. We had discussed what we wanted from this already beforehand, agreed that we didn’t want to change anything substantially and immediately bounced back to friend mode afterwards (i.e. no physical intimacy except for hugs). But to me it feels much closer and easier now. All the little things where I felt a bit awkward previously are just gone now. For example how long I am supposed to hug her when we greet each other or whether I’m looking at her too much/too little or whether she wants me to hug her when she’s sad. Everything feels more natural and flowy now and I feel like it has brought us closer together.
Meta and I had a night out without partner recently and ended up at her place having fun together again, this time just the two of us. That was even nicer, because this time I was healthy. After that we again bounced back to friend mode. It feels a bit weird that we are switching between these different “modes” so clearly, so I still wanna understand that a bit better and have a conversation about it, but I’m very grateful about the lovely relationship we have and about the joy we shared. We agreed that we would repeat the experience and also the threesome sometime, but there is no sense of urgency.
So thanks everyone for your advice, I’m really happy I posted the question here and got so many kind and thoughtful replies. Hope you all have lots of fun as well!