I feel a bit embarrassed even putting this into words, but I need to be honest about how I’m feeling.
I’ve been with him for over 10 years, and I’m really struggling with the fact that nothing has moved forward. We don’t live together, and while he talks about the future and what he wishes we could have, it never actually turns into anything real.
I’ve worked consistently to build a stable life, and it’s been hard watching him struggle to hold down a job. At the moment he only teaches one student a couple of days a week. I’ve supported his passion for music because I do believe he’s talented, but I also feel he needs to take responsibility for his life. I’ve asked him to find something more stable and full-time, but it doesn’t feel like he’s willing to do that. What makes it harder is that even when he’s at home, he often spends time gaming or drifting instead of seriously focusing on music. When I'm sleeping because I've had a hard day at work, he is often fucking around on the PC.
This year, I didn't receive anything on my birthday or Valentine's Day. It made me feel extremely unimportant.
He disappears for days/goes ghost and then blames it on his mental health. I've had my time to be understanding, but I'm also dealing with depression and anxiety (medicated for it) and I still make an active effort in the relationship and my life.
I feel like I’ve reached a point where the resentment is building and becoming overwhelming. It feels like my time, my life, and my future are being wasted. I care deeply about him, but I’m starting to realise that care alone isn’t enough to sustain this relationship... It makes me feel like I'm in a relationship with a loser.
I know this probably comes from a negative and one-sided place, but I keep asking myself - is this relationship already over, or is it actually worth trying to save? I feel like I can’t force someone to change or meet me halfway.