Need Advice from PwBPD
My husband is fully aware of his BPD diagnosis. He is in therapy with someone using DBT, and he has a psychiatrist as well. He has his moments, yes, but he is actively aware of his condition and doing the work to better himself with therapy and medicine.
A huge trigger for him is his mom. There was a lot of love but also a lot of chaos in the house growing up. They shared the same therapist for many years.
His BPD has been diagnosed by three separate doctors, yet his mom and old therapist who still talk with one another insist he doesn't have it.
Here's what kills me and where I need your advice as PwBPD: she dismisses him because she says he can "turn it on and off" meaning, "he treats me badly when he's upset but not others." I don't argue with her, I just listen to her vent, but the thing is he sometimes does this to me too when he's stressed and/or upset. I am aware of the idea of an FP and am sure his mom is his, or, at least was for most of his life.
My question is: isn't it true that a PwBPD only has certain people to whom they'll "explode?" My MIL gets particularly upset he doesn't act this way with my mom but the thing is, although he loves my mom (his MIL) he doesn't feel nearly as close with her as he does his own mom.
How can I support my husband without letting MIL convince me he's "choosing" to do this because sometimes she can be very persuasive. I think a huge frustration is that if she doesn't think he has BPD, she will react to his reactions, the cycle continues . . . .
Thanks!