Problem/Goal: Lately, sobrang drained na ako. hindi lang physically, but emotionally din. I’ve been trying to show up, to understand, to give comfort, and to keep things okay even when mabigat na talaga on my end.
Context: I know relationships aren’t always easy, pero minsan it feels like ako na lang yung tuloy-tuloy na nag-aadjust at nagho-hold on. There have been a lot of misunderstandings recently, and honestly, nakakapagod na. I try to communicate what I feel, pero sometimes it turns into something bigger than it should be or parang hindi siya fully naririnig. I don’t think I’m asking for too much—I just want consistency, reassurance, and to feel like hindi ako nag-iisa sa pag-aayos ng mga bagay between us.
I also know I’m not perfect. I have my own faults, may moments na I react out of emotion, may nasasabi akong hindi ko naman talaga mean, and I take accountability for that. but at the same time, those reactions come from feeling overwhelmed or unheard. hindi siya galing sa wala.
Another thing that’s been on my mind is the environment around him. I’ve noticed changes—sa behavior, sa responses, even sa situations na napapasukan niya. I understand that he makes his own choices, pero influence is real, and it’s hard to ignore when it starts affecting not just him, but our relationship too. I care about him deeply. that hasn’t changed. but I’m starting to question if the way things are going is still healthy for the both of us. ayoko rin mawala yung sarili ko kakapilit mag-stay sa something na paulit-ulit na lang akong nasasaktan. and I don’t want him to lose himself either.
Previous Attempts: there have been multiple times where I tried to leave. hindi dahil wala akong pake, but because I was overwhelmed, hurt, and pagod na sa paulit-ulit na cycle. every time it got too heavy, I thought leaving would finally give me peace.
pero hindi siya ganun kadali.
every time I tried to walk away, he would come back, he would beg, he would ask me to stay—and I would. not because everything was fixed, but because my feelings didn’t just disappear. I cared too much to just let go that easily. so I stayed, again and again, hoping maybe this time things would actually change.
but staying had consequences too.
it meant slowly getting drained. it meant questioning myself, my worth, and kung tama pa ba yung ginagawa ko. it meant trying to fix things kahit minsan pakiramdam ko ako na lang yung lumalaban para sa amin. and over time, I started realizing na love shouldn’t feel like this—na parang you’re always choosing between your peace and a person.
and I know he’s going through things too. I know he has his own struggles, mentally and emotionally. I’ve tried to understand that, to be patient, to adjust, to give him space when he needs it. hindi ko yun minamaliit. I see it, and I care.
pero at the same time… does that mean I should stop expecting to be understood too?
kasi minsan it feels like I’m always the one trying to understand, while my side gets lost in the process. like I’m carrying both his pain and mine, and I’m starting to get tired. I’m not saying everything was bad. there were good moments, real ones. I know he tried in his own ways. but there are also patterns that keep repeating, and those patterns are slowly taking more from me than I can give.
I’m not writing this to blame. I just really want to understand if what I’m feeling is valid, and if there’s a better way to handle everything without falling into the same cycle again and again.
If you’ve experienced something like this, I’d really appreciate your thoughts.
thank you.