u/Cherylg007

I flew back from a trip in CA with my son and family to visit my 91 yo mom today. I brought her some clothes and she began yelling at me that her phone wasn’t working properly. Per her care team’s advice I had it suspended because she just got it back and has caused her confusion, anxiety, agitation, and fixation on leaving the facility. She was saying I didn’t pay the bill and I tried explaining it.
She started yelling about her boyfriend only getting to visit 2 times per week. I said that’s what the care team’s and I decided as she’s just gotten there.
While I was in CA for 3 days for my grandson’s performance at Disney her boyfriend came 2 days in a row. On the third day they asked him to leave and ended up having to call police. Now he is barred from there and we are resetting no visitors until she has more adjustment time. He called me swearing at me saying he’s going to revoke my POA.
She came up to me shaking with anger and calling me a B and that I’m going to hell. She said her boyfriend “will come every day and she’s getting out of there”. She began grabbing and scratching at me so I left to insults all the way down the hall.
I get that being the closest to her has earned me being the target, but I wish she understood that my brother is consulted on every decision. It was a horrible experience.

My mother is currently in a memory care facility and I am her POA.
She is not allowed visitors but has her phone. They said she is having issues with the phone and I’m trying to login to her account to use a backup.
I am her contact for forgotten passwords etc.
How can I login to her iCloud?

My mom has been in MC for 16 days. It was sudden and extremely necessary after I visited her in AZ from FL on April 1st. 2 doctors wrote letters detailing her need for MC and a POA to be activated.
I visited her after 1 week per her care team’s advice. I had my brother on FaceTime. We got reamed for doing this to her. It was not clear to her that she is staying there. She needed placement immediately from behavioral health and only two places in the area had room and would accept her due to history of aggression. The place is beautiful, clean, and everyone is lovely.
I drove in from FL and have been staying in her house since April 13th. I am her DGPOA, HCPOA, and MHPOA. I am the closest to her as we talked at least once a day, every day.
I went again a few days later and brought her more things from her home. She is worse than I even thought and so confused.
I went yesterday again and brought my son who lives nearby. I was berated again and she had been asking for her phone which I finally gave back to her yesterday. She didn’t really know how to use it anymore. But she was going to “call her priest and deacon and get moved to a Catholic facility “. She said she should at least be able to donate her home to “a special person”.
Meanwhile, I’m at her home spending all day, every day carefully going through every little thing. My brother who is in VA is a co-trustee on things related to the trust itself. Her personal property is not in the trust. I am very clear in what her wishes are and am doing a careful job, taking photos, creating spreadsheets, shredding documents and being very careful. The attorney told me that’s fine, but since my brother isn’t responsive and said just use my judgment - I’m moving forward.
My emotions from the visits and seeing her so confused and forgetful breaks my heart. I get that I’m the target of the life she misses but it still hurts so much. Being in her home with her not here is traumatic.