Hi there, 20f here, my boyfriend of 4 years (21m) sent me a so-called breakup text a few days ago and I’m completely blindsided by his sudden change in behaviour and attitude.
The night before, we went to a rave with our friend group + my sister. Just before leaving to the venue he frantically called me asking to sneak in some extra “party favours” for him last minute (aka whippets/nitrous). He also took caps at the rave–in which I have no problem with at all (I went sober for this rave). My feet ended up bleeding as I had snuck the canisters into my shoes, and I got pretty upset and overwhelmed so I went ahead and talked to our other friends. He swore at me a bunch of times early in the night, we made up, and by the end of the night he seemed fine. The next day he skipped dinner with our same friend group and while I was sitting at dinner, he sent me an extremely long text saying I “ruined his life, destroyed his trust, and that I’d be better off with someone else.”
When I called him later that night, he accused me of cheating because I spoke to our male friend for about 5 seconds greeting him. He kept saying he didn’t recognise me anymore, blocked me on everything, and told me never to contact him again. He kept saying I abandoned him the whole night–but he was the one who told me he was fine and to go to dinner without him.
We’ve since agreed to meet up in person to talk, but his last message was still “I’m done. Goodbye.” and he’s been dodging my texts and calls asking for some sort of explanation for his actions.
I genuinely don’t know if this is jealousy, insecurity, a comedown from him taking drugs, or all three–but the manipulation and emotional damage being dealt has been really hurtful, as I struggle quite a bit with my own mental health. Of course I want this to work out as we’ve been together for so long and we’ve been going strong as of late/he hasn’t displayed any signs of resentment to me lately and we’ve had a pretty healthy relationship recently. Do I try to work things out in person or cut my losses?