I (30f) was thrown a big birthday party by my other half (33) & mother (60) about 4 weeks ago.
Context: my parents split up 8 years ago now, it wasnt a good divorce - there was infidelity on my dad's side.
My wedding (in 2022) ended up a shit show, I invited my dad (67) and his girlfriend (46 - who was the affair partner) as I do get on with her really well.
In the end, my mum & my dad's girlfriend ended up in a screaming match (but thankfully about 15 minutes before the end so it didnt ruin everything).
I threw my mum her 60th last year, and so this year she wanted to return the favour.
She invited my dad on the caveat he doesnt bring his now wife - Dad & Affair partner married 2 years ago.
I read the message, it was polite. My mum was happy to not bring her partner if dad came, shes not a hypocrite.
In all honesty, I was okay with this as its not a huge thing like a wedding, I didnt want to be on tender hooks all night.
My dad played a bit of a victim, saying he thought mum would be over it by now, that their friendship should have been strong enough to allow wife to be there, how sad he was that he had to miss events.
Yikes.
My brother & I told him it was about me & not about her. As my Dad, he should attend a single thing without his wife because although its not nice shes excluded, my mum would need to be mother Theresa to be in the same room as wife again.
I dont think my mum will ever truly forgive him or forget, she can just about cope in a room with him but not with her too. The two didnt get on even before the affair, as new wife was a friend of my dad's.
In the end, he didnt come.
It broke my heart because I always thought my dad would turn up for me. My friends and family were shocked at his absence, i got a lot of comments about it.
He's always been a brilliant dad, one of my favourite people in the world and its really hurt that I now know he will absolutely choose his new wife's feelings over his kids.
I have always played it Switzerland between my parents & events because i didn't want to know the answer, fearing this.
It was a brilliant night but I was always looking at the door thinking "maybe?".
Im wondering if im the asshole as it seems to have damaged my relationship with my step mother.
I cant tell if it has with my dad, we talk maybe once a week, I see him every few months as he lives in Europe and im in the UK.
I just noticed shes unfollowed myself & my brother on instagram. Shes been a bit less frequent in texting, but I just assumed they were busy.
Ive sent her a message saying it was a bit odd but ive re-requested a follow, thinking she can play it off as an accident so things go back to normal.
Im stuck as I couldn't ask my mum to forgive / be in a room with her ex & the woman he cheated on her with. But the day wasnt about the wife, it was about me.
Side note: thinking maybe she just shut down her account, its only us shes unfollowed, a lot of my friends are still in her lists.
Im sure there's context ive missed so please ask if there's anything youd like to know!
Edit to add: its an hour later and i discovered shes also unfollowed brother on instagram, and unfriended us both and my other half on facebook
Sent her 2 texts one at 9.45ish when I discovered instagram: Did you unfollow me on instagram? Im a bit confused as you've popped up in suggested and ive had to re-request?
And a follow up 54 mins later:
"And Facebook? Would you like to talk about something?"