Sorry if this is long, first time posting and iI wanted to give full context!
I (23F) just graduated. My dad and older brother flew in from the UK to attend. My brother stayed with us at my grandmother’s house for two weeks, while my dad stayed at a friend’s house. My parents have been divorced since I was 12. My relationship with my parents has always been somewhat strained, especially as I’ve gotten older, but it was still really important to me that they were there for my graduation.
Overall, the graduation ceremony went really well, which I was relieved about. After that, we had a graduation dinner. Everything was fine until the bill came, which caused a disagreement and left some tension between my mum and aunt.
The next day, we spent the whole day with my mum and her family friends. My brother and partner were also with us that day, and it was honestly a really good day—my mum was happy, and so was my brother (no fights or drama between them as they hadn’t spoken for five years due to their own issues).
That night, my brother and partner went to a concert (I got him tickets for his birthday). The rest of us—my mum, aunt, uncles, grandmother, and I—went to a small pub nearby because we didn’t feel like cooking. I was the designated driver so they could all have a few drinks. We had a good time, but there was still some lingering tension between my mum and aunt from the night before.
When we got home, we were getting ready for bed, but my mum and aunt continued drinking. In our family, alcohol can sometimes bring out very emotional and argumentative behaviour.
I was sitting with my mum at the table and told her that I had spent all of Saturday with her, and that on Sunday I planned to spend time with my dad, since he was only here for a short visit and staying quite far away. My future mother-in-law had also invited me, my dad, and my partner to her house for breakfast.
I was trying to explain that I had split my time over the weekend to see everyone fairly, but my mum got very upset. She said she was the most present parent in my life (which is true—she raised us and was very involved when we were younger), and that it wasn’t fair.
For context, I live in a different state due to studying, and both my parents moved away at different times—my mum remarried and moved states, and my dad later moved to the UK, where my siblings now live.
My mum felt excluded and said she raised us and should have been included in the breakfast plans. However, my dad and my future mother-in-law get along very well and share common interests, so naturally it was just planned that way. When I explained this, my mum became very upset and called my future mother-in-law a “f***ing bitch.”
Shortly after, tensions escalated further and there was a physical fight between my mum and aunt, which I had to break up, and the night completely fell apart. The fight was about other things...mainly airing each other’s dirty laundry (I’m talking husband for husband kind of stuff). The issue with what my mum said about my mother-in-law was also brought up. It got to the point where my mum left the house to stay at my uncle’s and was flying back home the next morning.
The next day, I messaged my mum explaining that what she said about my partner’s mother was unacceptable and I asked for an apology...for both myself and my partner. She responded saying I had no right to expect an apology, that I was unfair for excluding her, and that she felt hurt and left out because she raised us. Honestly, she has had a long-standing pattern of not apologising for conflict and rarely acknowledging fault in situations, so this wasn’t new to me, but I couldn’t shake the fact she insulted my partner’s mum. This woman has done nothing but treat me with love and respect.
I later heard from a relative that she has been telling people what she said was a “joke,” and now some family members are siding with her.
Since then, she hasn’t contacted me.
I understand she was hurt, but I also feel like what she said crossed a line, also who wants to be near their ex husand for a breakfast invite???
I’m now questioning whether I handled things correctly or if I should have done something differently. I’m honestly unsure how to handle the situation moving forward, especially given our family history.
So Reddit, AITAH?