I want to preface this by saying we've been broken up almost a year. But we were together for 3 and they were someone I wanted to marry and someone i still love even after a year. They had originally said we could try again after some time, idk if they were just trying to soften the blow or if they actually meant it and they wanted to still be friends. And in the months following I "out of nowhere" blocked them on all socials and that took them off guard and they were a bit upset with me over that (one of my big fuck ups that i still regret) and just a month ago I thought i was doing well and over them when I had a dream about them. Long story short we were in the back of a car just talking, cant remember what we talked about but we were laughing and stuff sometimes and serious stuff other times. Anyways after that I may have spiraled a bit and got a bit drunk and texted for the first time in about 3 months (the last time was about a photo i found and if they wanted it or not) but it was my first "serious" conversation with them in like 7 months. And Ill be honest I fucked up again there too I originally wasnt going to but the following day after sobering up I had talked about the break up with them and brought up how I thought they cheated and would like an answer because it was eating at my mind(not the smartest i know) they said no that never happened, idk if I believe them. But we started talking a bit normally after that then about a week later I learned they had a new partner and then I pushed a boundary too far and they told me that they dont want to talk anymore, not until ive healed more. Which is absolutely more than fair I will admit I fucked up, then we went no contact. I did block them 3 days later after thinking about it, left my phone number tho in case they needed to reach me which they did. About 2 hours after I blocked them they messaged me asking about the photos and if I still had them and to not lose them as they are important. We then talked normally for a bit, I appologized for how I acted and they responded with "your good" then I went and dropped off the photos, and texted them "i put the photos in your mailbox and if your open to it id like to talk if your ready" they ignored the 2nd part which isnt abnormal for them they were focused about the photos so they mightve not even read it. Its been almost a month, I've tried thinking that "the ball is in your court" kinda mentality about it. But ive spent a lot of time this last month and I know i was a dick about a lot of stuff, and they've always been extremely helpful to me. I dont want end our "relationship"(not the dating kind thats already over but just ending being in each others lives kinda thing) on a bad note I kinda want my last memory of them to be a good one since they were such a big part of my life and helped me grow to where I am. But at the same time I was a dick recently and dont wanna push their boundaries again. I belive I've healed enough to to talk without being mean or pushy. And I want to atleast offer the option of them talking to me cuz at the moment were still "no contact" as per the "at least until youve healed some more" kinda thing. I did unblock them on everything a while ago and they havent noticed or said anything.
Rereading this i come off as an asshole alot. I was pushy and accusatory about the cheating a bit but it wasnt as bad as I made it out to be at first. And I still love this person and if I cant be friends with them I want to at the very least appologize for everything and end this part of my life on a good note and perhaps offer them the chance to talk with me again if they ever wanted to.
So should I text them? Or just suck up my feelings and stop being involved with them.