The 3 Most Popular Ways to Escape Uncomfortable Feelings of Low Self-Esteem
- Forced and unhealthy communication
Watch TV, open the newspaper, listen to the radio, or visit news sites on the Internet and you’ll immediately notice that the amount of human failure and disaster one is exposed to is disheartening. If you are like me, you may find yourself avoiding these sources of news and “entertainment” because you can’t stand the amount of negativity that infiltrates your mind and harmfully impacts your energy-state. Much of the negativity in the world is sourced from people having an unhealthy, low level of self-esteem. Research suggests a significant portion of the population struggles with some form of diminished self-esteem at various points in life.
Low self-esteem causes feelings of discomfort, unhappiness, anger, fear, procrastination, frustration, shyness and incapability. This array of negative thought processes and sensations causes people to look for artificial ways to cover up their lack of confidence by taking on forced or unnatural behaviors. Three of the most common ways of covering up a negative self-image, diminished self-esteem and low confidence levels are:
Forced acts of communication are ways we relate with each other in an unnatural and destructive way. Examples of unproductive communication could be uncontrolled anger, screaming or abusive language, or making unfair or unproductive remarks. All too often, when we feel uncomfortable in social situations or fear being controlled by another, we try to gain the upper hand by dominating the other person in some manner. For example, your spouse might make a remark that causes you to feel poorly about yourself or attacked in some way. Most of the time, we react to what someone says when they bring up something we cannot be at peace with about how we see ourselves. This reactive feeling can sometimes be a sign of diminished self-esteem. As a result of feeling threatened, you might counter with an aggressive or hostile remark of your own. Before long, you have unintentionally begun a downward spiral in communication that will surely erode your relationship over time.
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Lacking self-esteem likewise impacts all other areas of life. Additional examples include fear of public speaking, ineffective professional communication, pursuing a career that is not in alignment with one’s passions and life-purpose, dating or even marrying people that do not match up well with our most important values because we fear we may not attract our ideal partner, and bringing up children to be fear-based, reactive, or unhealthy in their perceptions of the world and in their relationships with others.
- Sleeping Excessively in order to Escape from Reality
Do you know anyone who “sleeps their time away?” For many people, sleeping can become a way to escape painful feelings of incapability, fear, discomfort, unworthiness, and weakness. These feelings can stem from the interpretation that one is somehow unlovable or not good enough, and may be related to low self-esteem levels. They drain our energy and cause internal friction that makes us tired. For some, sleeping becomes the easiest escape rather than learning to face life’s challenges. Sleeping is a natural means of recuperation — so upon awakening, all challenges can be coped with more easily with fresh energy. However some people use sleep not for regeneration but to numb emotional pain. When sleep becomes a chronic escape strategy, problems can remain unaddressed and unsolved and so tend to become worse with the passing of time. (Note: Persistent excessive sleeping can also be a symptom of depression or other medical conditions, and readers experiencing this should consider speaking with a healthcare professional.)
- Use of Alcohol, Drugs, and Cigarettes
Notice how often people look for ways to numb emotional pain rather than address the source of their challenges. Many find comfort in cigarettes as a stress reliever. The underlying source of mental stress and bodily tension can sometimes be related to diminished self-esteem. So often, people condition themselves to turn to alcohol or drugs after experiencing a stressful event. Rather than deal with the causes of life’s disappointments, relationship challenges, or ineffective communication, it’s often easier to look for ways to forget about the problems by turning to alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs. These forms of escaping uncomfortable feelings that may be related to low confidence, a poor self-image and low self-esteem often result in compounded health and social challenges of their own. In addition to their harmful physical effects, drugs and alcohol can amplify negative feelings and thus result in further destructive behavior. In this way, they compound already present challenges and can create a worsening cycle.
Low self-esteem is often one contributing factor among several that leads to these destructive and escape-seeking behaviors. Rather than detach from or attempt to escape challenges that may be linked to a poor self-image and low self-confidence, there are more effective ways to live a more powerful, happier and more abundant life — including therapy, support groups, building self-compassion, and working on gradually elevating one’s sense of self-worth.
