Hi everyone. A few days ago I posted about being dread gamed / red pilled my whole marriage - they removed my post because I put a link to the tht TikTok that originally clued me in to this underground world (sorry moderator... promise wont do it on this one). I hope my post helped some people while it was up... all the responses helped me soooo much so thank you all.
For those that don't know there is a whole red pill underground teaching men to manipulate their wives. Now that I see it I can't unsee it in EVERYTHING he does. I have been thinking through my history and going through journals and I see how for 10 years of marriage the moment I brought up needs or wants they were disregarded, unapologetically unmet and ridiculed often. To the point where I have dumbed them down to just 'please be nice to me.' I used to ask for non-sexual affection as well... but let that go for the sake of just having kindness maybe. Birthdays, holidays, events, anything I was excited for ruined because I hadn't met his expectations so I guess I can't have a good time (I think this is part of the manipulation tactic taught in the red-pill world, though haven't found it yet). He had kept me constantly struggling to get his approval to have a happy marriage but he has never tried to get mine.
It was his bday two days ago and he asked what we were doing. I said nothing. He asked why... I said 'last birthday I asked for you to be kind for the day. That was all... To which you answered you couldn't possibly be because your life is horrible and I haven't been doing enough to make it better. If I had tried harder then you could be happy with me.' I cried and did something HE wanted done for him on my birthday. Two days later, he said ok bday redo and gave me a bath in the evening. That was my bday. He listened to this and just says, oh. Not sorry, not any defense, he couldn't argue because he knew that was exactly how it went... so I said yeah and just left the room.
After my last post and coming to terms with the fact that I'm exceedingly unhappy in this relationship, I am picking me. I am making plans but nothing is immediate. Im existing here but not starting convos and overall distant. He hasn't noticed... AT ALL. I think he actually think there's been improvement in our relationship cause I have stopped being sad and arguing... and because of this he somehow thinks his tactic still works... he continues to guilt me about his bday... asking directly if he can have a weekend and all the things he'd like me to do for him.... cause his life is sooo sad. I'm trying to stay steady and not give away that I'm leaving, but I'm losing it. I just want to flip out and say I don't care anymore!!! You have used me for the last time. However, if I don't... he will throw things and get angry and he will be mean to everyone... I can't leave yet, so do I just acquiesce.
Help... do I just keep peace... I feel like I have to for my family, but I want to just start blowing up the whole thing.