My whole family(especially my father) thinks I’m incapable and stupid.
I’m 23 years old, I work in a corporation and I study at university. I don’t really feel comfortable saying what I study, but it’s not something easy or meaningless. I’m also the kind of person who always tries to improve, learn new things and grow into someone I can actually be proud of.
Even with all of this, my father and pretty much my whole family still see me as a child and an incapable person. My father constantly makes comments about my worth and tells me I don’t have the potential to do the things I want in life. When I speak, he barely listens to me and when I try to express an opinion or an idea about politics, society or work, he looks at me like I’m stupid and laughs as if I said the dumbest thing ever. Sometimes he just rolls his eyes or looks annoyed the whole time I’m talking.
My mother explains simple things to me like I’m three years old whenever she asks me to do something at home. She says it’s because “I forget things often” but honestly that’s not even true, maybe it was when I was younger and more careless. Every day I try to make them change the idea they have of me by doing three times more than my siblings ever did, but it’s never enough. My siblings will always be seen as perfect even when they constantly mess things up, while I’ll always be the useless and incapable daughter.
I don’t think I’m stupid. Very few people in my life have called me that and most of them were people from toxic work environments. I know I’m introverted and quiet, and I tend to do things without drawing attention to myself. To some people that probably makes me seem slow or not very smart, but the truth is I notice everything and I understand social dynamics that a lot of people completely miss because they never shut up long enough to actually observe.
And actually, anyone who has really gotten to know me has always told me that I’m very smart and perceptive, and that I think about things most people wouldn’t even begin to notice or consider.
The things my father says hurt me deeply. I tried talking to him about it and sometimes he even tries to change, but then one argument is enough for him to say all the things he really thinks about me. I’m tired. I’m in therapy and I’m trying to heal from all of this, but as long as I live with him I don’t think I’ll ever really be happy. I’ve even thought about suicide.