I'm damned tonight
i hate hangovers
because i wake up
and miss you
and i hate that
i get cranky
i get emotional
so, i avoid going out
because i know the morning after
i’ll wake up tired
and upset
upset that i miss you
upset that i’d still want you
upset that some part of me
is still that stupid
i know i deserve more
i know that
i know you don’t deserve me at all
actually
i know that really well
so i go out
i try to find entertainment
i try to find friendship
Sometimes, I even try to find someone new
but then i just feel worse
damned if i do
damned if i don’t
damned if i date
damned if i don’t
why
why
why
why
do i hate you
and miss you
at the same time
i hate myself for missing you
for wanting to reach out
i tried and tried and tried
to move on
i try
i try
i try
And i know i will someday
but right now
it’s pretty hard
I hate that you moved on so fast
While I've been suffering for a while
and i know
i know
i sound ugly
i know i should be better than this
i know i should forgive
i know everyone says that’s how you heal
understand why
accept their limits
see your part of the blame
make peace with it
let it go
but i can’t do that now
not now
right now i still hate you
a little bit too much
right now i still hate her
very very very much
Today, I even hate myself,
for being so naive
for being pretty sad again
you don't deserve all that grief
life is not black and white
i know
but tonight it feels unfair
guess i’m losing life’s game
for now
i just loved you
more than i should have
and i hate you for that too