I Just Can't Seem To Get Over Her
Throw away, as this is my first post, and I don't know what I am doing, just obsessed with listening to Reddit stories (shoutout KMK and Smosh)
So, I (21 F) met my best friend (F) - let's call her D - in our freshman year of high school, during choir camp. (Yes, that's like band camp for choir kids, and yes, I know that's cringey.) We immediately got to talking and even formed a small friend group within the first few days.
To jump forward and skip a LONGGGGG story, my choir group was pretty toxic, and the upperclassman caused a lot of drama. (It was a group of like 40 of us and we spent ALL the time together). Basically, they would spread rumors about us and make us believe the other was the one starting those rumors. It was messy. We also were younger and dumb and were jealous of each other instead of loving each other. But regardless, we worked together outside of school, saw each other daily, and defended each other in private.
She ended up moving back to her hometown in our junior year of HS and we lost contact. We still had each other on Snapchat, and one day she slid up on one of my stories, when she noticed how much weight I had lost and told me I genuinely seemed happier. Basically, we started talking again, and she moved back to my home the summer after we graduated.
We've been basically inseparable since. She's my twisted sister (IFYKYK) and one of the only people who truly understood me, and I her. She became close with my family, close with my brother, and my boyfriend (whom I now live with). I became closer to her family and her sisters, one of whom I talk to every week (Let's call her G). She's my platonic soulmate, and truly healed me from some horrible past female friendships.
Earlier this year, I received a phone call from the aforementioned sister, with whom I speak every week. Immediately, my heart dropped (we didn't start speaking every week until recently, so it was weird to me that she was calling), and I knew something was wrong. She took a second to speak and then told me that D was dead.
I'm not going to go into specifics, as to protect D and her family's privacy and peace, however, this was VERY unexpected and ...... shocking. I had some questions, and G and I spoke for a bit while I was crying in my bed. After that, I slowly walked to my office, where my boyfriend was gaming, just covered in tears. I'm sure I scared the crap out of him as I just fell to the ground and said, "D is dead."
It's been a few months since she passed, and it's just starting to feel real. To preface, I am an empath and just the type of person who feels things to extremes, so that hasn't been fun. I have lost loved ones before, even recently; I lost my grandpa last year, but this was different. It's so true that the people we love and cherish hold a special place in our hearts, and when they're gone, it chips away parts of you. I am also a Christian and take comfort in my relationship there and with my family and partner, so that helps, but I truly feel like this is something I'll never get over. Everything recently reminds me of her, to the point where I can't watch my favorite show anymore without crying.
Part of me feels like I should start to get over it, but I know that negative voice in my head, and I am going to ignore that BS. When something in your life happens, you want to tell your best friend, right? So now, when I get engaged, when I get married, when I graduate college, when I have kids, EVERYTHING, I will hurt and miss her too.
Before people ask, I will NOT be sharing details about D or G or anyone else involved, and yes, I will be starting therapy soon, pending funds and some other trivial details. I am sorry this is so long, and I appreciate anyone who took the time to read this! Seriously, it means a lot, and I value a platform where humans can be humans and ask for help or just a good laugh. And if anyone else is feeling this way, please know you aren't alone, and I am so, so, so sorry. Again thank you for listening to my mindless rants :)