My dad says he’s done
I (20 f) live on a cattle farm. It’s a feedlot operation and it’s my dad’s. I got my communications degree at two Decembers ago at 19 and bought 6 acres of apple trees shortly after. We have been able to rent some peach and apple orchard with that and have a retail market. He’s told me before that I don’t do enough and he’s probably right but I don’t know what to do. I do payroll and our income/expenses. I don’t know what we spray on the trees or any of the wholesale information though and I work the market 2-4 days a week. The market is very slow right now so it feels like a waste sometimes.
Here’s the problem. Yesterday and today were the first two sunny days that we could spread manure. He’s been wanting to spread for a month now but we just now can. He’s very stressed with planting and the orchard and the cattle. I also had friends from Indiana I haven’t seen since January in town at a local theme park. I couldn’t hang out with them yesterday but today my fiancée and I wanted to see them. We planned on hanging out from 2-6 but couldn’t get there till 4. We got in line for a roller coaster where I couldn’t have my phone on me and didn’t get out till 7:10 so I didn’t get home till 8. My brother (17) said he would spread manure but we had to teach him. My fiancée (who spread manure all day yesterday and today till 3) taught him. Or so we thought. Dad went to swap out my brother and something is wrong. I’m not sure what, but my brother didn’t do the right thing (PTO issue I assume). Dad texted me saying “I’m done” and isn’t texting back. Mom told me that he feels used and that he drops everything for me but I don’t do the same for him and when he needs me, I’m gone. He’s has gone to the orchard at midnight to change tires and get things ready to plant more fruits/vegetables. He’s not speaking to me and I feel awful.
This is a very short gust of everything but my main question is how do I fix this? What do I do? How can I show them that I’m not the selfish 20 year old they tell me I am. Or better yet, how do I become less selfish? Because I keep trying to tell myself I’m the victim and that it’s my brothers fault for not listening or fiancées fault for not giving better directions but I know that’s not right. I have to own up but how?