TL;DR
My bf (26M) and I have been together for a year now and I (25F) have a high sex drive. Our sex is great but I feel like I’m the dude in the relationship. We see each other over on weekends so we normally do get intimate once or twice. I just love sex but we’ve had hard conversation/arguments about our intimacy, how he always likes sex spontaneous not planned. more so when he initiates it. He’s saying if he was 18 again he would have more of a sex drive.
He does masturbate during the week, he says he doesn’t masterbate that much during the week (the tissues underneath his bed tells me otherwise.) He likes to clean up before I come over now cause we’ve talked about it. (He brought it up) One time he said he wasn’t gonna do it for a week. I believed he did cause that weekend he was all over me. Idk I feel like I notice when he’s way less sexual with me when I know he’s masterbated a lot throughout the week.
Also he both I both smoke 🍃, (he’s smoked for years like for 10+ years) tho compared to me. Would that also not help? I feel like he does have low libido. I’ve even have dressed up in the sexy outfits for him (even he’s suggested outfits). He wont try toys when I suggest it “mm next time”. but when I thought about the idea with couple toys he “OOO my ex and I had one? It’s really intense tho blah blah bah” he was so enthusiastic about it, later I brought it up and he apologised cause he realised that was wrong on the tone and how he went about with that fkn story. I bought the same toy, He’s says we’ll try all these things and we don’t.
We’ve even talk about an*l, but I wanna try it, he said he just doesn’t wanna hurt me cause he’ll know it’ll hurt. Buuttt “I sprung it on my ex one time” told me about that story. (He tells me sex stories but when it comes to us trying same or similar it gets shut down)
Should I start pulling away to make him want sex more? He said he hates feeling like the chick in the relationship. I don’t like the cat and mouse game or push and pull. But when I’ve tested, and it works (just in general)
I’m scared if I don’t give it up it’ll feel like a missed opportunity, and he’ll get distant.