My (ex) best friend (F21) (has BD1) just ended our 1 year friendship this morning and I'm still coming to terms with how I fucked it all up and how it ended.
To start, it was this morning where I had woken up to them going on a conspiracy theory on how Saturn is connected to Satan and how the Sun will be used to defeat it. And at the time, I thought this was one of her usual jokes so I played along. I thought it was a bit she was committing to so I fed into it.
Then once she got out of the episode, she started going off on me. On how after a year, I still can't figure out what her episodes are like and how I could do that to her. And it was all a little too late where it did dawn on me. I never took the initiative to actually know what it's like to have BD. I never asked her how she felt after the episodes and I just assumed everything was fine after the episodes had ended. I never got to know what she was actually going through.
It had came too late. She stated that she wishes for me to remove her contact everywhere and to never speak to her as friends. We're strangers and nothing more. The problem with me is that it's always "should've" and "could've" but "did". I wish I actually did take the initiative. I wish I was the best friend she envisioned I was. She deserved better and I know she will find better.