u/CheekMountain535

I have been in a reunion with my biological mother since I was a teenager, and now that I am in my 30s, I have come to a difficult realization. My adoptive mother essentially brainwashed me into believing that my birth mother placed me for adoption because she didn’t want me. Whenever I tried to talk about her, my adoptive mother would get upset and mock me for wanting a relationship with her. It took me until I was 30 to finally stand up for myself.
Now that I have children of my own, I see things even more clearly. My biological mother has shown my kids more love than my mother-in-law ever has; she travels long distances just to spend time with us, and I have grown to truly enjoy her company. Last year was the first time I sent her a Mother’s Day message to thank her for the life she gave me.
Through our conversations, I learned the truth: she wanted to keep me. She had planned to marry my biological father while they were in college, but he moved away to start a new life. He even invited her to stay with him under the guise of needing help with school, but when she showed up with her bags packed, she found another woman living in his apartment. I only discovered this last year. She never married and never had any other children. Knowing I am her only child fills me with a sense of guilt.
This year, I decided to send her flowers for Mother’s Day. I’m a bit nervous because I’ve only ever sent a text before. By sending a physical gift, I want to show her that I truly see her and appreciate everything she made possible for me. I wonder if this is overstepping, or if it will help build our bond.
I truly love and appreciate her; she has stepped up in so many ways. Our relationship has had its ups and downs, and I often blame myself because I was so blinded by the narrative my adoptive mother planted in my head. My adoptive mother even closed our semi-open adoption when I was three years old due to her own insecurities, making me believe my biological mother was unstable and that she never wanted me.
Last year, I found a box of letters, pictures, and gifts that I was never allowed to see until I turned 32. Reading them broke my heart. Despite everything, my biological mother has never spoken poorly of my adoptive mother. She is simply a wonderful human being, and I am so happy to finally have her in my life. I guess I’m just a little nervous sending her these flowers and note even though I know she will love them… im just overthinking again. I don’t have anyone to talk with about this so I thought I’d try here