We’re cleaning out the basement and have been going through old boxes. There were 2 boxes in particular that been hidden away in a corner of the basement for years and years… They’re the ones full of stuff from growing up that I couldn’t deal with seeing when the estrangement was fresh. But I have a few years under my belt now and what I found totally confirmed my decision to stop responding to my parents’ silent treatment.
Lots of little things, like how the photos of me stopped around age 10, classroom journal writings that weren’t overtly disturbing, but in hindsight I can see now there were some red flags about my home life coming through, and lots of little momentos that I don’t remember receiving, etc.
The biggest revelations were in letters mother sent me while I was in college. There was the one saying mean things about my weight and sending me diet tips, which was par for the course with her. But the big ones were the apology letters after “bad weekends”. I do not remember these visits, but they must have been BAD. I mean, this is the same woman who told me to never apologize to my children for anything because “otherwise how will they know who’s in charge” sending me apology letters full of excuses as to why everyone was unhappy while I was home. Honestly, I’m glad I don’t remember these weekends, I don’t need those in my brain. But good grief I would have been 19 or 20 at that time and the weekends must have been bad bad bad…. but I was so enmeshed at the time that I kept going back. I just didn’t know anything else.
What did I do with all the stuff? The few things I remembered that had good connotations I kept. Donated a few things. Recycled what I could. But I threw out the majority of the crap in those boxes. But for now I kept the 2 worst of the apology letters to remind myself of why I am staying away when I miss having a family and consider calling them (aaaand now I have “the phone works both ways!” rattling in my brain lol).
Have any of you done this type of cleanup? Did it help you heal? Personally I feel like a chunk of lead has been removed from my shoulders, but I know others may have a different experience.
Wishing all who read this a blessed day 😊