u/Cheap-Shower-4340

Bye. For good.

I can no longer reminisce of good days, fond memories, and cling desperately to the shredded, frayed string of fractured hope.

I can never listen to you disrepect me with your alternate reality and pinning blame on me.

I can never ignore your hatred dripping from your lips.

I cannot continue to provide understanding, sympathy, compassion, or concern for what never was real.

I was nothing different to you. And that burns deep still. I gave you more than i ever had, and all you returned was spitting in my face.

You have shamed me to everyone you know. You could never make it right by telling the truth so you would never allow me into your life fully now.

I have given you every opportunity possible for an easy out, but you turn your nose up and point at me expecting apologies.

Im sorry you reject seeking help. Its the only thing that will ever give you clarity. Like i said, you dont want truth, hence, rejecting every chance of obtaining it.

Theres nothing left to break in me. My heart beats only by force and resentment. I cant go on pretending it will ever be any other way.

We are where we are because of your choices for the last 10 years. You dont care to notice.

So next week? When youre off to wander into another new life, never speak of me. Dont speak my name. Create a new character to trash and maime.

As soon as i know you changed your number, ill be changing mine. You can have reddit back. We dont need to be keeping the slim chance of crossing paths again. Im done hurting and hoping. Prayer couldnt make a dent.

I hear you loudly and i see it all very clear.

You won sir. No one tripped up your game.

I cant put anything into what you say. Im sorry. But trusting you isnt gonna happen, based on words or half asses tokens.

Youve bragged about your ability to woo a woman and knock her off her feet. I was never graced with that, but its not something i expect. Thats just not me or my style.

Telling you to puck a flower, write me a letter, send a card....if its not something you did on your own, then its not really genuine.

I cannot listen to you getting angry over whose version is what. I cant spend anymore effort trying to correct your timelines and exaggerations. Im done with all of that. Im done showing up. Im done proving my every breath. Im done.

But theres still a longing for what i know what should of been.

This is my last, my absolute final option for you to either embrace fully, or ignore like everything else.

What i need rather than lip service, ear candy, or another facade, i need you to spill your guts. Everything. All of what eats at you and what is still festering. I need you to let me in 10000% and bare every fear, every dirty deed, every bit of misery, pain and every depressing fiber that makes up who you are. I want to know what you REALLY want, expect, envision, dream of.

Its time for you to show and tell me who hou TRULY are.

No games. No lies. No half truths. No omissions. Just be real.

Look at me as if i was just a mirror with no ability to judge or ridicule. Show me whats looking in the reflection.

Am i asking too much? Most would prolly say yes. I agree, to an extent. But the truth of it all, i spent far too many years with you and while you said i was your girl, you never treated me as such.

So instead of hoping youd just magically show up one time to make me swoon, im telling you that the only way ill give any more attention to the fractured possibility of reclaiming all that i knew and lived for is going to be decided by your ability to be real.

Im not a hood rat. Im not a homie. Im not a pro. Im not tryin to come up. Im not a rat period. Im not looking to set you for a final blow. Im not hustlin shit nor lookin to score shit.

I carried 2 of your kids happily (well, miserably, being pregnant is not my thing lol) in my body. I turned every house into a home. I gave my all. Ive earned the respect to have "my man" be real with me.

Its fckd up cuz i know you would never ever do such a thing. Not for me. Not for our family. NOTHING. But im throwing this out there cuz i know youll see it. You wont act, but itll never leave your brain.

You cant and wont ever be wrong. If one does not agree, they become nonexistent.

You will not tolerate being told anything different.

Your mind is always clear and on point. You never forget anything.

Your memory is always 100% and perfectly clear. You wont lie to yourself. Ever.

I wish i could get a good look into your world. It makes me wonder how prestine it must be. I do know you've spent your entire life creating that world that you refer to as reality. So i kinda understand why you throw a rod whenever something contradicts what you live in.

I want to feel sorry for you. But I just cant. Everything you do is calculated. Everything you say has been repeated countless times. However, when youre caught off guard or find yourself tripping over your own lies, you get frustrated and blurt out truth.

Im not sure if you catch it, or you hope it wasnt heard or bank on it being forgot. But you tell on yourself a great deal. Ive known you long enough to know youve told more lies than you can keep track of and have back up lies to try to cover up your mess as you go.

It just really pisses me off that you still take me as the blind fool who deserves to be mistreated and lied to. I know for a fact i have been the only REAL person in your life ever. I was also the one who absorbed the hell you give freely for far longer than any sane person would stuck around for. Ive been the only one remaining after you burnt everything down and then set the ashes on fire.

And still, you lie so freely. You believe every word falling out of your mouth as if there was no other option. There is no reason for me to acknowledge your existance, you have nothing i need or have anything for me to gain. Yet, you want to continue to treat me so vile?

You lost everything because of your own selfish way of living. You need to come to terms with that. No one, especially not I, caused you to be where you are. Your choices are all there is to blame.

I know youll never be able to comprehend any of this, if you ever bothered to read it. As a matter of fact, i know you wouldnt ponder the possibility because it is against every fiber of your existance.

You cant be wrong. You wont be wrong. You will do ANYTHING to prove how right you are.

Whats all wrong with me. But im not going to. I havent told anyone. Im not going to.

I dont know what all happened with your job, i doubt you gave the whole story. Not that that matters, youve never been truly an open book.

I dont know what youre expecting me to do. I have nothing to offer in any format. I dont have any miracles to pull out of my ass. Even if i did, i know youd pick it apart and be disgusted for whatever reason.

I havent felt muxh like talking. Mostly because i dont want to hear your plight anymore. Its the same song and dance still. There is nothing i can do or say. Thats been proven a billion times.

It pisses me off that you down play that bill i gave you. As if it was the most offensive thing to even suggest that it IS exactly what it is. Now i see why you cant accept what i say, you do everything different.

I want to see you. I dont want to. I told you that you got me all fucked up. I think it wouls be so much easier if being with you didnt require that fucking merry go round. I cant get back on. Itll kill me.