u/Chayos_Theory

Sorry for the long post, but I feel like it’s a lot…

So I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost 3 years, she has a dog and a cat and I just recently got a 7 month old kitten, not even a month ago. This is important because ever since we got the kitten we’ve been having issues, and while I know pets can cause stress…something keeps telling me it’s time to look at my own apartment.

First it started with her being mean to him. For example, calling him a “loser” or other names just because he didn’t want to cuddle her, saying she felt rejected by the cat even though he WAS cuddling her, and even asking me “why I picked him because there’s so many other cats out there”. I talked to her about this and she said she was just having a hard time adjusting, but that she’d try to be better. For some context the cat wasn’t a random decision, I had been saying I wanted a cat basically our whole relationship and once we got a place together I started showing her cat profiles on ones I wanted to adopt. I did make most of the decisions because if we split we’ve agreed the cat will be mine.

The two cats get along fine, her cat is 6y/o so sometimes she hisses when the kitten is playing too much, but other than that it’s fine.

Now onto her dog…he has anxiety (medicated) and resource guards, he doesn’t do well with other dogs, but he likes cats as long as they don’t get too close if he has a bone or food. He sometimes chases her cat, but they grew up together so she’s use to it, my kitten on the other hand…not so much. He’s already chased the new kitten and now the kitten is standoffish with him. So when the dog comes by sometimes the kitten will growl and the dog is part pointer so he’ll just stare/point at him, which only makes it worse. The dog has bitten me before and sometimes will show his teeth at me when I’m doing simple things like going in a cabinet. This makes me wary about him and the kitten so I’m always watching them when out together. This also is just generally a bit annoying because I’ve known the dog for almost 3 years and we usually have a good relationship, but when he tries to bite at me I feel like I can’t trust him. My girlfriend also doesn’t do anything about it besides putting him in the cage. It’s not like I’d ever ask her to get rid of him, but he has had training before so why not at least get him retrained like you’re supposed to do anyways???

Now onto the situation that really has me considering if this is the end of us. She was already saying things like “kitten’s name is going to ruin us”, but recently we keep getting into it about the kitten and the dog. The dog will get too close to the cat and we have to block them or the cat will be doing something and the dog will run over to investigate. Like I said the cat is standoffish, so sometimes it’s fine, but most of the time he growls and has even started seeking out the dog to swat at him first. Two nights ago this happened and regardless of the order of things (because we didn’t agree on that either) the kitten knocked some stuff over and the dog got curious and almost got too close. This made me upset because I’d already had a long day at work and when I came home during my break the dog tried to bite me, so my tolerance for him messing with my kitten was already low. I told the dog to go lay down and she told me to stop being mean to him, I said I wasn’t being mean and explained that he already tried to bite me today so I’m just a little annoyed. She proceeded to say “so what, you don’t want to live together anymore? Cause that’s the only option.” And when I didn’t say anything she ended it with “you can take kitten’s name and gtfo.”

I feel like ever since we got the kitten she keeps talking about things related to breaking up or living separately. She also still gets mad at him really easy as if he’s not a kitten and is going to get into things and knock things down. She blames him for everything about me, she once even said that my attitude was the kitten’s fault and at the time we hadn’t even had him for a week…

Overall communication is an issue in our relationship, she has the tendency to get mad and say hurtful things to me that I’d never say to her as my gf. I’ve talked to her about this multiple times and she says she’ll work on it, but it’s always the same. I also feel like any time I find something that makes me happy, for example a game, hobby, or in this situation my new kitten; she makes it about how I don’t spend enough time with her almost like she feels threatened. I know I’m not perfect either and I really love her, but should we just call it quits? I only have like 3 friends to talk to about this and one is completely on board with me just leaving, but I love her a lot and don’t want this to be the end of us.

Also for everyone asking why I got a kitten knowing how the dog is, she promised me it’d be fine and that the dog likes cats and blah blah blah blah. We also previously lived with my gf’s younger sister and her bf, who had two cat, and he got a long with those cats just fine.

Tdlr: is poor communication, after almost 3 years, and the fact that our dog and kitten don’t get along grounds to end a relationship?