I'm 20M, and I've never been in a relationship. I've never been to a college, I crave female attention (which I never got from anyone except my mom and sister), I am a CA student, and my entire time goes into studying at home. I have no time for socialising, forget finding a GF.
I have clinical depression for the past 4 years, I have brain fog, insomnia, emotional breakdown every night, anxiety attacks and suicidal thoughts every week. I've never masturbated in my life. I quit p0rn addiction years ago.
For the past month, I've been experiencing wet dreams and night falls, which are not common, as I used to have those when I was 17. My sexual thoughts have become intense and distracting while studying, especially at night.
Visiting an escort once just to experience intimacy and love for once, and maybe calm my mind so I can focus on studies again. Another part of me wonders if I’m making a decision from loneliness, depression, and desperation rather than genuinely wanting it.
I don't know if I am doing right or wrong. I have no friends or anyone I can talk to, that's why making a post here.