Its been a couple of months post leaving my abuser now.
I didn't realize I'd feel this much rage towards him, I don't know what to do with it, at least with grief I had something to hold on to.
I feel like im fighting this battle alone, being miles away from family, in a different country. Everything seems like a struggle, my work have weaponized my personal situation and that's an added stress. I feel like I have to overcompensate there.
The thought of him just getting away with zero consequences just fills me with so much rage, I didn't go ahead with pressing charges even though the police told me with all the evidence I have "he's going to get guaranteed jail time", but I feel like I just cannot go through the courts and re-live the whole thing again when questions are asked. I want to move on and heal. It's the worst dilemma.
I wake up most mornings with my heart racing and with so much anger. Its all so unfair.
People tell me that I'm strong for even getting out, for taking a stand, getting help, for talking to them about it, but..im SO tired of being strong. I want to come undone, not be strong for once, not be the one making decisions. I want something good to just happen without it being a huge task!
Will it ever happen? Something good that comes with a price?