u/Certain_Principle491

I (21f) can handle my mother in laws snide comments towards me, but seeing the way her behavior towards her daughter (21f) has shaped my wife’s responses to things and insecurities and broke her heart as a child, creating this beautifully hurt woman, I love infuriates me!! Every-time that her mother belittles her or drags her down or brushes her off now as an adult I can see the small child who still just wants their mother to love and appreciate them. Does anyone else struggle with this? Seeing where the faults your relationship has stem from in their mother’s behavior. For example: anytime my wife feels that she is wrong about something or doesn’t understand something she will get very defensive and worked up. Why? I have seen her seek advice from her mother or comfort about something she’s unsure about. Her mother will go “I don’t ***** know” “what do you want from me” “jfc I had a bad day what do you expect from me” every. Single. Time. When we moved out together, she couldn’t seek guidance about anything from her mother. The wedding? Same thing. She asked for help with the guest list her mom said it wasn’t important and that we didn’t need to worry about it so soon (we were sending out invitations??) etc etc. so clearly the reason that my wife reacts so negatively to feeling like she doesn’t know something is because every curious thought she’s brought to that woman her entire life has been met with nastiness !!