I’m finally done, time to make the break
Been married 15 years. I’ve always said the one thing that would cause me to split up with someone is cheating. Spotted the wife sexting a colleague a year ago in front of me. Became paranoid, nervous and depressed, and ended up checking her phone one morning.
I realise this was wrong, but I found she’d slept with at least two other men (including the bloke she was sexting). After a long, difficult conversation where she was very reluctant to reveal anything, it turns out it’s three men, the first was three years into our marriage. I was devastated and lost, but she said all the right things. She was in a very tough place mentally back then, I couldn’t hold that against her, and attempted to move on and forgive.
I became more depressed, more paranoid, a worse version of myself in every way. Kept checking her phone and she kept sexting the same guy. She begged for forgiveness every time, explained it was about control, meant nothing, etc etc. We tried again and again, we tried a separation and ended up together agaib. She said she had to keep working with him (remotely), and she would handle everything. She begged me not to contact him.
In the meantime, because I’m nowhere near perfect, I made changes. I started antidepressants, therapy, and made positive changes and decisions for myself to become a better person. I’ve caused her a lot of financial hurt in the past and was determined to not be that person anymore.
Now, I feel I’ve done a lot of work. I’m not finished, there’s a lot still to do, but she’s done nothing. She promised she would do anything to keep me but hasn’t done a thing. She hasn’t even cut off the guy she slept with, in fact she’s brought him back onto another project so they’re working together again.
I don’t trust her. To not cheat, to not lie, to keep me safe in the relationship.
Because of this, I think we’re no longer compatible. I want monogamy, she wants the security of our marriage but also to do what/who she wants. She’d probably love an open marriage.
I’m tired. I’m hurt and I’m finally done. Just now building up to talking to her soon and planning the rest of my life without her. We’re so compatible in so many ways, but not in this one. I have resentment for what she’s done and what she’s not done and it’s time.
Wish me luck.