I don't know where I'm heading. I'm escaping so much I can't recognise myself.
I'm in my late twenties. I started therapy when I was 21 only by 26 I knew what a good therapist was, I got breakthroughs. I had hope but recently (last few years ) I feel like I'm just escaping everyday.
I do the bare minimum and get out of work. I don't study although my field requires me too and I enjoy it. I dont pursue my hobbies. I feel envious. I feel sad. I am lonely.
I moved away from my family. My sibling was the only person I was talking to but they stopped talking to me citing "I'm inauthentic, that they are out to discover their own personality and don't want to be tied down to me and I have too much expectations from a sibling "
This has wrecked me. I never thought I'd lose that person also. Although I'm in a relationship I feel nowadays I don't want to have kids because I feel messed up and I don't want to have kids but I got into the relationship on the premise I would. The only good thing right now is the relationship and my partner helps me a lot but its long distance.
I feel lonely , all I ever wanted was a family and friends. At least one of it. Now I'm heading towards my thirties and I can't hold on anymore. I have no hope . Even my partner , the fact I have them doesn't make me happy , makes me feel like an orphan although I have a family but this person has adopted me.
I am in the worst shape of my life. My health is deteriorating in front of me. I can't clean my home for days. I work only when I'm absolutely forced to. I feel the emotional burn out and inertia and I feel helpless.
I have written on reddit asking for help , but those days at least I wanted to get out. I feel like I've hit a dead end.