u/CelestialFlower15

Hi,

I don’t know if this is the right subreddit for this but, I need help.

I don’t have much luck with people. I think I’m the problem. I just don’t know if this is some sort of consequence for something I've done, or a punishment. I'm not very familiar with the Bible but I read somewhere that God punishes those He loves. I don’t if He loves me or if He is helping me learn a lesson.

I'm often excluded. I've been for many years. I thought I would get used to it as I got older but, it still hurts. I still cry. I feel so lonely sometimes but I just keep going. I'm getting familiarised with it.

I'm no saint. I make many mistakes. I know I do good things for others but I also recognise my mistakes. My mistakes are usually things I say. Either to the person, or worse, behind their back. I know this is an awful habit. I grew up surrounded by it and it was pretty normalised in my brain. I used it as a way to connect because not everyone wanted to be friends with me growing up. My impulsivity during conversations doesn’t help. Who am I to say anything about anyone?

Over the years I began loosing a lot of people. Not to gossip but because they just started deciding they didn’t like me (I'm sure they have their reasons). I don’t have it in me to throw others under the bus and so I kinda handle the consequences alone. I was heartbroken about this loneliness for a long time. I still am in many ways.

I think there is something in me that is hard to like. Or maybe God is protecting others from me. I don’t really know.

I just don’t know what to do. I was hoping to get some advice. I would really appreciate it. I just don’t want to be disliked.

The title is pretty self-explanatory. I've always gossiped. Ever since I can remember. I did it mostly with friends and, from what I can recall, almost everyone gossiped around me( It doesn’t make it right, it’s just a fact), which normalised it in a way, but it shouldn’t have.

I've always owned up to the things I said, if confronted. On the few instances where I got consequences from my actions (which I deserved), I never felt the need to throw others under the bus with me (even if I knew that they were just as guilty) because my conscience didn’t allow. I always ended up owning it alone and being excluded alone. It taught me a lot.

As a late-diagnosed woman with ADHD, gossip was a way to connect growing up. I didn’t struggle to make friends (I do now) but, it was far too easy to get into this awful habit once comfortable with someone. I don’t blame it on my ADHD, although impulsivity could be the culprit, but I do think it’s a flaw of mine I really need to work on.

No matter what I do for others, I often end up alone. I don’t blame them, I can be a little intense. I take medication now and I think it’s helping me.

I'm often excluded from things by people who use me as a backup friend. It’s a recurring issue in my life, since childhood. I never had enough self-esteem to understand that I wasn’t supposed to be treated like a doormat. I never knew how to stick up for myself. It never stops hurting, no matter how old I get (I thought it would). Even if gossip isn’t the problem in those particular relationships, I want to stop giving people more reasons to dislike me.

I'm not trying to victimise myself, I promise. I just need help on how to be better.

If anyone has any tips, I would really appreciate it. :)

Did I meet my future daughter in a dream?

A few years ago, when I was 20, I had a dream where I was a mom. She couldn’t have been older than 1/2 years old. She was sitting on my lap the entire time.

We were at a restaurant and I was sitting on a very small chair in a kids' area, holding her while some random children ran around. She was super quiet and focused on the cartoons playing on the TV. I was simply content because I knew she was mine and I just had never felt that before.

Fast forward, we were sitting at a big table with all of my family. I saw her face and I saw mine. I was definitely more mature (not old but older). She looked so much like me (not exactly but you could definitely tells she was mine if you saw any of my baby pictures). She was super introverted and serious. Such a quiet one. I smiled the entire time because I loved her so much.

My uncle yelled a name across the table, I don’t think it was hers and a man I don’t know was sitting next to me (maybe her dad).

Did I meet my daughter? Has anyone ever had a similar dream that came true? What other explanations could come from it?

A few years ago I had a dream where I was a mom to a little girl. I just knew she was mine. I loved her. I felt so content just holding her.
She looked just like I did at that age, but I knew she wasn’t me. She was so serious and quiet, and I just smiled the entire time. I also saw a more mature version of myself.

It felt like I was meeting her before she would ever come to me in real life. I'm not a mom yet but, that was the best dream I’ve ever had. I felt so content with her. I woke up wanting to go back to her. Such an odd feeling. But such a sudden gift.

Did anyone here dreamt about their children before they were even born? Was this a premonition?