u/CelebrationOk5378

TL/DR - I know i posted yesterday but i wanted to get to the crux of the problem. I include him but he doesn't include me...

I’ve been with my partner for two years (F30 and M31 we live together), and we’ve been talking seriously about marriage and our future. I’ve always been an “open door” person—he is fully integrated into my life. He’s close with my brother, comes to all my family holidays, and I’ve introduced him to all my friends.

However, I’ve realised lately that the “unit” only works one way. In the last week alone, a few things happened that have me questioning everything:

1. He told me tonight he was going to the pub with his mates (who I know). When I expressed interest in joining, he told me “No, you cannot come” and said it’s “unhealthy” to want to do everything together. The kicker? The pub is literally a 3-minute walk from our flat. (he has always said to me we go to all social events together and even got irritated at me when i said 'you go!' he has said before 'stop saying that it's always US'
2. Earlier this week, his sister had bought him tickets to talk and he said we would go and the day before the event he said him and his sister were going...
3. He sees his dad without me and I still haven’t been introduced to his family properly, despite him being a fixture at my family events. He also went back home for 2 months for work, where his family live in November and didn't invite me out there even though his siblings were there with their partners.
4. He recently admitted to me: “You care about being included with my friends, but I don’t care about yours.”

The irony is that when I went to see my brother alone the other day without inviting him, he looked like a “lost puppy” and immediately started asking when the next big family holiday was.

He tells me I’m being “off” or “OTT” when I get upset about being excluded, but it feels like he wants the stability of a partner at home while maintaining the social life of a single man. He wants to be part of my “inner circle” because it’s convenient, but he’s policing the borders of his life to keep me out.

I don’t mind him having solo time, but the explicit “No you cannot come” to a place 3 minutes away feels like he’s managing me rather than partnering with me.

Am I overreacting, or is this a major red flag before we consider marriage? How do I stop being the “available” partner when he clearly views my world as an option and his as a private club?

Tl/Dr: Has your husband ever said NO you can't come with me?

My boyfriend 31 told me the other day 'no you can't come with my mates'.

I wasn't necessarily going to come but I always invite him to social plans, especially with friends. He has a tendency to exclude me from things - especially his family...

And recently he said he was going to the pub with two of his mates, to watch a football game, that's fine ofc but I get a bit offended probably from previous experiences too that he doesn't invite me and I naturally just always say to him 'you're welcome' knowing he won't want to come to everything but he's my partner and the door is always open.

But he turned to me this time and said 'no you can't come with my mates'

We have been together for 2 years and I would class these guys as my mates, I've probably spent more time with them than my own friends of recent and now he just gate keeps them...

We don't drink so much anymore so don't really do big hang outs with them and he turns down all social invitations on our behalf often.

I was just thinking to myself would I want my husband to say no that I couldn't go somewhere with him? Not really. I would want my kids to feel they can do anything and go anywhere they wanted and not feel excluded.

It's healthy to do separate things, I agree - he often goes out to work events and as mentioned I have only just met some of his family and he sees them often without me. Whereas he has been on family holidays with mine and is very much part of the gang.

What do you think? He also only tells me last minute like today about this plan.