*Edit* (M32)
This weekend, my fiancé is supposed to go camping for his friend “A’s” birthday. Originally, I understood it to be just him and his two male friends, so when he asked if I wanted him to ask whether I could come, I said no because I did not want to insert myself into a guys’ trip.
He has now told me that A’s girlfriend is also going. The plan has changed from “guys’ weekend” to a mixed/couples-type trip, but I still was not invited.
What makes this much more painful is that when I brought this up, my fiancé confessed to me that about six months into our relationship, A and his girlfriend (also a friend) told him they did not like me. I had no idea this had happened. From my perspective, I had always tried to be kind, friendly, supportive, and genuine with them. My fiancé never told me at the time, never addressed it with them, and never defended me or our relationship. I have spent a long time feeling confused about why I seemed to be left out, and now I am realizing I may have been intentionally excluded for a long time.
He also told me that when he told A we were engaged, A was not happy for him. That really hurt because it makes me feel like his friends are not just indifferent toward me, but actively unsupportive of our relationship.
The issue is not that he has friends or wants to go camping. The issue is that he seems comfortable accepting invitations to planned events where he knows I am intentionally not included, especially now that another girlfriend is going. I feel left at home while he accommodates people who disrespect me and our relationship.
I am struggling with how seriously to take this. To me, it feels like a loyalty and relationship-respect issue, not just a camping trip.
I am looking for advice on how to talk to him about this in a way that does not become a fight, and how to understand whether this is something that can be repaired. What would be a reasonable boundary or expectation when a partner’s friends are openly excluding their fiancé?