I feel like a lot of people might be able to relate to this or have experience getting through my situation.
I (28) came out to my parents (66f/79m) one week ago as a trans man. It's been a year since I started T. I'd decided to wait that long to come out to really make sure I was happy with all the changes, felt confident and comfortable as a man at work, with friends, at therapy, before telling my parents. I had this fear that the moment I told them they would make me feel so bad about it I'd "change my mind" (I also ID'd as nonbinary for 6-7 years before realizing I feel great as a man, but that's also been making me question myself bc it took me so long to accept myself).
So I went from feeling really confident, happy, and handsome in my gender and so excited about more changes coming from T (esp facial hair, which has been slow for me) to like: my mom having a crashout about me coming out, making me feel ugly for even "considering" T, telling me what a beautiful girl I am, etc. I've seen my parents 2-3x a week for the last year since I started T and they just haven't noticed (I help them out a lot because their health isn't great and we're 1st gen). So my mom is just torn between telling me, "I'm all she has" and "I've ruined her life."
But my parents (mom in particular) have made me feel so down about my gender in the last week that this is the first time I've ever seriously considered detransitioning and being satisfied with me being just a butch lesbian to them (which was only tolerable to them anyway). I'm torn between just wanting the misgendering and guilt-tripping to end versus with doubling down on masculinity so that they'll see me, even though I'm a queer guy who still likes some "feminine" things.
Anyway, how do you deal with suddenly questioning your own gender out of pure transphobia? It's like a year of learning to like myself and be excited about my transition was just wiped out by my parents. But like, I can't really cut them off or anything—again, Slavic immigrant expectations.