Hi, longtime Reddit lurker- this is my first post. I was following a different subreddit that seemed really antagonistic and was chock full of “just leave him” vibes which is not anywhere near an idea I have considered. I am no longer a part of that subreddit community and have recently joined here.
My husband is addicted to porn and has been since his early teens. It’s something I discovered on accident and I desperately want to help him with this… I feel like it’s important to share that I personally don’t like porn, and it feels uncomfortable for me to talk about because I don’t want to drive a wedge or add more shame into something that I know already carries a lot of baggage.
I have tried to get him to talk about it in therapy (he has his own therapist) but it seems like it came up and he kind of just said “I’m working on it” and it got better and then worse again.
I have asked him to be forthcoming with me about his usage but I am always the one that has to check in and he will occasionally lie to me about it but when push comes to shove he will tell me.
Every time he watched or uses porn, I can tell. There is a minor shift in the way he is.
He says he wants to stop but I feel like he’s not actually trying and that it has almost become a gambling chip within our marriage. I don’t know how to deal with my feelings about this and get him to open up to me or to anyone and it is just so exhausting.