u/Cautious_General4689

my partner just told me last night that they used to have a pretty bad self harm problem due to anxiety and hadn’t done it in a year and a half, but then a few months ago (while we were dating) they had a relapse when we weren’t physically together and they were away at school. they’ve been in therapy for years and are getting the help they need so it sounds like this genuinely was just a tiny slip up, but my rocd is acting crazy now (does this mean our relationship can’t work, what if i caused this, am i only going to be able to think about this every time i see them, are they not mentally fit to be in a relationship, etc.) has anyone else dealt with this? it’s the only thing i can think about and i don’t know what to do. i told them i needed space for now and had to change my phone background to something that isnt a picture of us because i currently can’t even look at them without having all of these thoughts creep in. any advice at all would be appreciated, or even just someone else saying they’ve also been through this (i don’t think that’s a reassurance seeking compulsion because anyone in this scenario would like to feel like they’re not alone…right?)

I (23F) have been dating my gf (22F) for about 9 months. I love her a lot and see a serious future with her, but my OCD loves to pick apart every little thing that could be wrong and I constantly convince myself this isn’t the “right” relationship. Last night I noticed a strange looking scar on her arm and asked about it. She got really weird and panicky and dodged the question, and then finally admitted she used to have a pretty bad self harm problem in high school and then early into college. She said she hadn’t done it in a year and a half, but then a few months ago (so while we were dating) she had a relapse when we weren’t physically together while she was away at school. She said it’s never been a suicidal thing, and it’s just a bad way to release when she’s extremely anxious and overwhelmed. She’s been in therapy for YEARS, and she told me that her therapist, and now me, are the only people in the world she’s ever told. She also recently started anxiety meds. She said she’s never felt this urge when I’ve been physically with her.

What scares me is that she’s in therapy and medicated; she’s doing everything right but this still
happened. Is it shallow and terrible of me to be freaking out about this? It’s sent my OCD into overdrive and I can’t stop questioning whether this is going to “ruin” the relationship. I’m terrified that checking her wrists for new scars is going to become a new compulsion for me, or every time I look at her that’s going to be the only thing I can think about. I’ve been ruminating about this from the second she told me. I barely slept last night and woke up thinking about it. I can’t tell if this is a reaction anyone would have regardless of OCD, or if I should be reminding myself my brain is trying to sabotage things. Any tips, thoughts, or advice would be greatly appreciated.