I (4w5) guess I never knew what a SP 3 was all these years. I learned the Enneagram 15.5 years ago and as soon as I found my type (6 months thereafter), I immediately typed all my family members. I've checked in with their typing over the years to make sure they still calibrated with what I knew, and my sister was a SP 6w7 or 7w6 and my brother was a SO 7w6.
About two years ago my sister was visiting and she mentioned in passing that my brother was a social climber. I almost dropped my fork as I was eating, suddenly a bunch of pieces fit together that just didn't square with him being a 7. My complete understanding of him changed and I had to rethink a lot of things now that I saw him in the correct lens, a 3. But I've never been that close to my brother so it wasn't that huge.
This is huge. My sister, we're 15 months apart and we grew up side by side. I feel nauseous just thinking about how little I understood her, and that her eyes were on me all these years vacuuming up authenticity from me (or my attempt at it) so she could compete with me for my parents' love and acceptance ... for being me. She got the content of her life and career from me. Everything I wanted to do, she did first. I've always had the vague feeling of being carion meat - like highway roadkill and my siblings would act friendly when we chatted, but really they were coming to dine on me, make my meat a part of their constitution and win at life with my identity so our parents could praise them. I have never had the proof for what I felt though, so I always felt bad for feeling it. Now I can say it out loud- my sister was competing with me to become better at all the things I was going to do and struggled to do because of my stupid fourn-ess. She doesn't have an identity of her own.
Both my brother and sister are much more successful than me and I thought the only reason I wasn't invited on all their jet-setting trips around the world was because they didn't want to cause awkwardness with me not having enough money. I thought if I had enough money, they'd surely want me with them. Now I see they NEED for me to not be able to afford to travel because I'd be catching up to them socio-economically and that would make them insecure. I see it now, now I understand why they didn't like me wearing the same brands as them or announcing good news to the family. This feels so sinister, I understand all the gaslighting now- when I had a good time on a train, they would criticize the train. When I brought a certain brand and shared my excitement about it, my sister would appear next time in a better brand at a higher price point. I was the best in my class at speaking French (and my sister barely passed high school) and now she organizes bilingual meetings with the governer general of our country. Somehow she got interested in psychology (how?? She's never been interested in her inner life in her LIFE! I would die to be able to connect with her on deep stuff! But I took psychology a year before her and was really into it) and it became her thing. Now she manages a department that, among other things, delivers mindfulness programs across the country. In what world has my sister EVER been interested in mindfulness?? Imagining her practicing mindfulness is actually the most ridiculous visual, but I got into it first. But she sure discouraged me from trying to get into a clinical psychology program. Because I guess she didn't want me succeeding at what she couldn't do.
I feel so violated thinking that her eyes were on me our whole life, stealing ideas and identity hits from me. I felt it energetically but never thought I had grounds to believe it. I have wasted so much energy in my life defending my sister. I thought she lacked the 7 energy because her kids and then menopause were so early and it messed with her hormones. I blamed her flat affect on her being such a busy mom and I thought one day I might get my sister back when her kids were older. Not only am I not getting my sister back, but the very idea of me succeeding is a problem for her. I AM A PROBLEM FOR HER.
So now my sister and brother are friends and they get together at all the holidays and birthdays with their respective beautiful and wealthy families and, I guess, congratulate each other on succeeding at being me (I live on the other side of the country on purpose). I just want to throw up. I now identify with that story of twins in the womb and one eats the other for nutrients. I feel so gross, disgusting, and used. I feel freer from all the guilt I've felt over my dislike of them.
You're welcome for your identities, siblings 1 and 2!!! YOU'RE WELCOME!!! Half my life wasted. They've been feeding on me this whole time. Feeding on me and keeping me at bay, feeding on me and keeping me at bay. I am so f#cking naive.