Quick rant lang, I feel really emotional and it’s late na so I want to get this out of my chest.
I’m a student. I live hours away from my family dahil sa Manila ako nag-aaral.
A few weeks ago, I received a message from my Lola. Back when I was living with my family sa province, she basically raised me. I spent most of my childhood with her, lagi akong nasa bahay nila ni Lolo and I used to even skip classes just to be with them (2 hours away sila from my actual family’s house). Kumbaga, sa city yung family ko while sila lola sa bukid nakatira.
Growing up, marami talaga kaming financial difficulties. Hirap talaga ang buong angkan, pati na yung parents ko na buhayin kaming magkakapatid.
Scholar kami kaya kahit papano, kinakaya naman. Madiskarte rin parents ko kaya kaya pang lumaban.
Anyway, dahil nga malayo ako from my family, halos isang beses lang kami magkita sa isang taon maximum. Si lola naman, 2 years ko na di nakikita, si lolo, even more.
Main point, nagchat saakin si lola last week asking to borrow money. “Bhe, baka meron ka 500 dyan balik ko lang bukas. May maggcash naman kaso mamaya pa dadating. Wag mo na sabihin sa mommy mo tsaka sa ate mo, nahihiya na kasi ako may hiniram na rin ako dun”.
I’m a student. I have no work. My parents are already struggling, they can barely give me allowance for school— hence, naturally, alam ko na di ko kaya magbigay sa lola ko. Pero tangina naman 🥲.
500 pesos? Ang tanda na nila ni lolo, pati ngayon, wala sila nun? Naghihirap sila, nangungutang sa apo ng 500 just to get by? God knows para saan niya kakailanganin, pero tangina naman. May mga anak siya, pati yun ba di kaya maibigay ng mga anak niya?
Jesus Christ. Ang tanda na ni Lola and Lolo. It makes me so emotional just thinking about it. They live sa bukid with no apos around to take care of them, everyone is grown up— no one lives with them or around them any more. Not my cousins cause they have their own lives na, not the rest of my siblings because they have school sa city. Pinupuntahan na lang sila ng parents ko and ng iba nilang anak, but still.
It makes me so sad. Grabe naman, kahit 500 wala sila, to the point na need niya magchat sa apo niya? I feel so bad for them. I dislike their children, yung mga tita and tito ko, and even my own parent, na hindi man lang sila mabigyan ng maayos na buhay kasi pati sila naghihirap.
They did their best to raise their kids, pero wala. Walang trabaho si lolo and lola, kumikita lang sila sa pagffarm, pero paano yun, ang tanda na nila?
I feel so helpless. I feel so frustrated. They are old, they are alone. They no longer have my cousins around. They aren’t financially stable. God knows how hard their life is, but I can’t do anything about it. I’m still a student, it’s so hard to get kahit a remote part time job ni wala nga akong experience. My only fear is na by the time na I can help na, when I have a job and I have money, it’s going to be too late na.
I really hope not. I hope they live pa ng mahabang mahaba until nasuklian ko na yung paghihirap nila.
But I can’t just wait. I feel like I’m racing a setting sun. Right now I’m doing my best signing up sa different platforms just to explore freelancing.
It’s so sad that I feel like crying every night. I feel so bad for them. I feel so bad for my parents din na alam ko na stressed na stressed na sa buhay with all of the loans and dues, pero tangina ang hirap. Wala akong magawa. I can only hope na somehow makakakuha ako ng nagaaccept ng freelance part time worker, or any gig online so I can send regularly kahit small amounts just to help them.
I wish there was something I could do. I’m currently crying my heart out just thinking about their situation. Tangina talaga. Ang hirap maging mahirap.