u/Casual_Casually

Momo and Midoriya were discussing their middle school lives, specifically their projects.

"But it's nothing serious, I just made a cold fusion reactor for my final project, what about you, Midoriya?"

"I made yelp for heroes."

"Yelp? As in where you rate restaurants?"

"But for heroes yes."

"I didn't know you could build websites."

"Not at first, I had to take a class first, Aiba-sensei was very strict."

"As she should, you needed to be careful, one bug and the site could be abused."

"I actually haven't checked in a while, I did tell Todoroki about it, but I'm sure he gave Endeavor a one-star review."

"If he could he would've put no stars."

"Absolutely."

During his escape from the Aperture science labs testing facility, Midoriya learned two things, how to think with portals, and the cake is a lie, while exploring the moon, Midoriya met someone he didn't expect, not that he was expecting anyone.

"Mina?!"

"Midoriya?!"

"Mina what are you doing here?!"

"Visiting my grandparents, what about you?"

"Escaping a testing lab while being bullied by a robot."

"What?"

"Long stor- wait, Mina, why are you on the moon?"

"Visiting my grandparents, I just said that."

"On the moon?"

"You didn't think all those alien jokes I make are for no reason, do you?"

"I did."

"Well you should think next time, especially when you're at least part alien yourself."

"Um, I'm not an alien though."

"Midobabe, I hate to break it to you, but you're on the moon, without a suit, and still alive."

"Well when you put it like that.."

"I know it might be hard to handle."

"Not really, I know my mother's side isn't alien related, but I've never seen my dad since I was six, and I don't know his side of the family, so I do have a rather large margin of error."

"You seem calm about this."

"I think with portals."

"What?"

"The cake is a lie."

"Ok, I think you need to lie down."

Kakashi just stared at the figure that was currently sticking to the wall of his room in the Anbu barracks, they were wearing a god awful looking orange and blue web-patterned tracksuit with a mask with large fox ears attached to it.

"So, you come here often?"

"Who are you and what are you doing here?"

"Would you believe me if I said sightseeing?"

"Obviously not."

"Damn, well you got me, I'm not sightseeing."

"I can tell, so, who are you?"

"I'm Spider-fox, and don't forget the hyphen!"

"Spider fox?"

"You said it without the hyphen!"

"Don't care, why Spider fox?"

"You sai- whatever, you see, I was bitten by a radioactive spider-fox, so for three years I've been Konoha's friendly neighborhood Spider-fox!"

"What is a spider-fox?"

"It's a mix of a spider and a fox, it was quite horrifying to look at actually, don't recommend it."

"Wait, you sound like you're twelve, and you said you've been doing this for three years, so you were nine when you started?!"

"Yea, I don't see why you're overreacting, with your track record and everything."

"Thats- know what, I don't care. Why are you here?"

"Lookin' for stuff on Danzo, got anything?"

"Huh, actually yea, right this way."

A few members of class A were sitting in the common room, just having a good time, talking, relaxing, eating, you know regular teen stuff, until Midoriya got a call mid conversation.

"Hold that, Tokoyami, my assistant is calling."

"Wha-"

"Hey, Isabelle, how's everything on the island?"

"*Muffled phone noises*"

"Mhm, mhm, I see, new houses."

"*More phone noises*"

"And the park needs renovation? Alright, what about the schools? Fine, ok good."

"*Even more phone noises*"

"Damn, the festival is that close already? Alright, I'll be there in let's say, an hour or two, give or take."

"*Click*"

"Man, being a mayor isn't easy, right Iida?"

"Midoriya, my friend.."

"Yes, Iida?"

"Forgive my language but what the world was that?"

"Oh I was just talking to my assistant, a few things on my island need maintenance."

"Right and say, you're the mayor of an island?!"

"Owner technically, but also the mayor. I mean you should know what I'm talking about, aren't you also a mayor?"

"No I am not."

"Huh, with the way you acted, I assume you were."

That's when Denki decided to chime in.

"So Midoriya, your parents own an island and you manage it?"

"Denki, I just said I owned it, no other person, just me."

"Who owns an island?!"

Momo slowly began to raise her hand before Jirou forced it back down.

"Oh right.."

"Midoriya I didn't know you were ballin' like that."

"It's just an island, I don't see what the big deal is."

"What do you even do there?"

"Well I manage it, do all the paperwork with the help of Isabelle, and my villagers just live there, do their jobs, go to school, explore hobbies, and just live in general."

"Does it have hero school?"

"I would set one up, but we don't have villains, any who tried were somehow domesticated."

"Strange way of putting it, but anything else?"

"Well, Nezu owns a vacation home there."

"What."

Team seven and Ten were on a mission together, Ino being bored decided to tell a scary legend.

"You know, if you're ever alone at night, a vampire might lure you away and drain all you chakra in seconds!"

"Why at night?"

"Because vampires are allergic to the sun?"

"Who said that?"

"I don't know! The legend I guess!"

"Well the legend is wrong, vampires aren't allergic to the sun, or garlic."

"And how do you know that?"

"I be reading and shit."

"That's a lie, Naruto, are you a vampire?"

"Nooo...what makes you think that?"

"Well, for one, you seem to know a lot about them."

"It's just a common legend, y'know?"

"Mhm, say, I've never noticed this, but your canines are very sharp, why's that?"

"I was born in October, y'know, spooky season."

"Right, how come during this entire mission, I've never once seen you sleep?"

"I don't know, why are you tryna watch me sleep?"

"Whatever, why are you always wearing that Fuckass track suit?"

"I'm cold."

"It's summer!"

"I'm anemic, got low iron and stuff."

"You have a tan!"

"Don't know what that has to do with anything."

"Okay, what do you think about stakes to the heart?"

"That'd kill anyone, not just vampires."

"Mhm, how come whenever you talk to an enemy, they somehow almost always do what you want?"

"I'm good at words and people."

"Mhm, what's your opinion on bats?"

"They're cute."

"..."

"..."

"I'm going to bed, Naruto, you stay the Fuck away from my tent."

"You're not my type, Ino!"

"Hey!"

Naruto wiped his sweaty hands on his pants, his secret was safe, for now.

As a kid, Midoriya watched a lot of Avatar the last Airbender. His favorite character being Ty Lee, so one day he decided to pull a Ty Lee and hit Bakugo and somehow disabled his quirk. The rest was history.

"So your quirk, is nullifying other quirks through contact?"

"Nope!"

"Then wha-"

"I'm quirkless."

"How?!"

"I use quirk blocking."

"Which is?"

"I hit special points in the nervous system and boom, your quirk- and that part of your body- doesn't work for a time."

"And you learned this how?"

"I watched a lot of Avatar, that beach episode did things to me."

"Too much information."

"But yea, quirk blocking has been very useful, Kachan is nicer now, don't get me wrong he's still an ass, just less so."

"You know, Midoriya, this might be why people think you're crazy."

"Oh those rumors? It's because I found out that quirk blocking works on mutant types."

"What."

Naruto knew better than to open giant ominous ornate golden doorways, but then again he was Naruto, so just because he knows better doesn't mean he'll do better. When he peered inside, he saw something.

"Huh.."

"What do you mean 'huh'?"

"I mean, with all the stuff you did to get me to the big ass door, I'd assume something cool would be on the other side of it."

"I am currently injecting horrors and knowledge beyond mortal comprehension into your brain."

"Look, yellow guy. I'm comprehending these horrors and stuff just fine."

"I am a king! And you will address me as so!"

"A king wearing yellow? I thought purple was the royal color."

"Color is subje-"

"DAMN!"

"What?.."

"Sorry, someone just walked by and she has a great ass!"

"I am a creature of infinite knowledge and even I don't know what you're rambling on about."

"Just look behind you dude."

And so, the king in yellow looked behind himself to see that it was his own daughter that walked by.

"THAT'S MY DAUGHTER!"

"I don't know if it was you or her mom that gave her those genes, but thank you."

"I'm reading your thoughts, and I'm going to say it now, I don't approve!"

"Too late, imma go spit game."

"No! I won't allow it!"

"The princess in yellow gonna be the princess with orange soon."

Naruto sat in front of Tsunade, looking utterly pleased with himself.

"Okay...so you made this..?"

"Sky manipulation."

"Yes, sky manipulation, for what purpose?"

"To piss Shikamaru off."

"And why did you do that?"

"Well I asked him if he wanted to eat ramen with me."

"And?"

"He called ramen a drag."

"So?"

"So, I decided that whenever he looks into the sky, he's gonna either see a ramen shaped cloud or me."

"You know how much Naras love their cloud watching, right?"

"That's why I did it. To be honest it's been really useful outside of tormenting Shika."

"I bet.."

"Seriously! I can fly, make clouds, one time I had Sasuke shoot a fireball at me and I bent the sky and made it hit Kakashi."

"Are you gonna use this newfound power in any responsible way?"

"Granny, you should know me by now, absolutely not. Imma go race the Tsuchikage."

"Bring me back some Earth country sake, imma need it."

"You got it!"

After being abducted in the weirdest way, Naruto began to experience horrors beyond his comprehension, but Naruto being Naruto, didn't understand them and moved on. During a particularly long chase sequence, he saw two other kids also being chased.

So he quickly scooped them up, against their will, and booked it into an abandoned building.

"I know I just saved you two, no need to thank me."

"..."

"Look, I know what I just said, but that would be the part where you thanked me."

"We would've been fine, I have an axe, and Six has..well she's scary so she can handle herself."

"Look, bag boy-"

"Mono."

"Didn't ask, but my name's Naruto. Anyway, imma be blunt, y'all were finna get munched, speaking of munching, do either of you know where I can get something to eat?"

"Have you not seen this place? The whole is abandoned, we couldn't get food even if we tried!"

"Have you tried?"

"Obviously!"

"Wait, bag boy-"

"Still Mono."

"Don't care, so I know you talk, but what about her in the raincoat?"

"No she doesn't really talk much, or at all really."

"Huh, so she's emo."

"What's that?"

"I'll tell you later, anyway, do either of you know how to leave?"

"If we did we wouldn't be here."

"Don't sass me, young man."

"We're the same age!"

"Ehhh, I'm ten, just short."

"I hate you."

"Love you too, baggy. Anyway, good thing I brought some emergency ramen!"

"You have food?!"

"Yea, you two don't carry emergency ramen? Weirdos."

As Kurenai was about to instruct her team for their training, she noticed Hinata practically foaming at the mouth, so she decided to ask Shino what was going on.

"Umm, Shino?"

"Yes?"

"What's going on with Hinata?"

"She's going feral because Naruto got tongue piercings."

"Really? He didn't seem like the type to get those."

"I thought so too."

It was at that very convenient moment hat team seven walked by, and Hinata practically teleported in front of Naruto and grabbed him by his jacket.

"LEMMESEETHEM!"

"What?"

"THEPIERCINGSINEEDTOSEETHEM!"

"I'm not gonna lie, you're being kinda rough with me, and I'm okay with that but I need to actually understand what you're saying."

"The piercings...show them to me.."

"Oh that's what this is about?"

Naruto stuck his tongue and showed three piercings.

"See, cool right?"

"..."

"Is she okay? She's still grabbing me."

"I think she passed out."

"Kurenai, can you get Hinata to release my student."

"You see, I would but...I just won a bet with Anko soooo."

Minato slammed his head down on his desk, that council meeting had went poorly, Danzo and his war-hawking ways wanting to set the Kyubi, who was in his soot-to-be wife, on the other villages who were weakened due to the recent war.

"On your feet, dad."

"What the-"

Looking to the side, Minato saw an orange spectre, in was roughly in the shape of a twelve year old.

"Danzo was talkin' a bit too much."

"Did you just call me dad? And wait, who or what are you?!"

"You'll know later when mom comes and tells you the news."

"New?! What is going on?"

"Danzo called mom a weapon, you really gonna let that slide?"

"I don't want to, but I can't do anything, he's an elder."

"And you're the hokage, whose gonna stop you?"

"..."

"Yea...you feel it..slime him out."

"I can't."

"He called your wife basically a tool, me personally... I wouldn't let that slide."

"..."

"That's just me though."

"Look, whatever you are-"

"Aren't you the man who made two A-rank Jutsu in under a year?"

"Yes?"

"Aren't you the man who defeated over a thousand Shinobi with two kunai, a prayer, and no sleep?"

"Yea, that was me!"

"And who is Danzo? Just some guy who was skipped over for Hokage because he was too cowardly at the wrong moment. And he's still bitter about it."

"Yes, he is.."

"And You're the man who bagged Uzumaki Kushina!"

"Hell yea I am!"

"And you're gonna let him suggest sending your wife to what's gonna be her death?"

"Hell no!"

"And what are you gonna do about it?"

"Put him in his place!"

"Yes...yes..good, crash out.. unleash the cage.."

"Naruto!"

Both Minato and Naruto jumped at the voice, the spectre, now named Naruto, looked over his shoulder, to Minato there was nothing, but he could only guess who Naruto was looking at. The voice sounded like Hiruzen, just older. Well..older than he already is.

"Wassup, gramps?"

"Don't 'wassup' me! Stop editing the timeline! And stop instigating!"

"Gotta go, dad."

Aizawa received a call from the most accident prone of all his students, which was worrying, Midoriya never called him, especially during a break.

*Hey Mr.Aizawa, I need help.*

"With what exactly? And make it quick, I'm trying to teach Eri how to braid hair."

*Ok so, I may have become America's number one hero.. accidentally.*

"What?"

*Well, I became America's number one hero.*

"How?"

*Well, mom and I were visiting dad, and in my downtime I just started doing things.*

"Like what?"

*Well, I helped cats out of trees, bought girl scout cookies, found lost dogs, helped elderly people cross the street, picked up litter and punched an animal abuser*

"How did that-"

*Yea, next thing I know I'm being voted number one hero, and I had to give a speech, fumbled that. At least I got to meet Star & Stripe, also met Superman too.*

"Know what, I don't care, don't be late for class next week, Eri says hi, and I'm saying goodbye."

Azula was having a good day, she burned some people, took over a village, got praised by her father, trained, shit talked Zuko, made headway in the Avatar hunting, so it was a good day. At least until she saw a twelve year old blonde on her ship, just existing.

"Hello!"

"Greetings Young one, tell me, do you know where you stand and whom you speak to?"

"Nope!"

"You are on my ship."

"It's a nice ship."

"I know, and you speak to Azula."

"Who?"

"What do you mean, 'who' I just told you who I am, you should be trembling in fear and awe!"

"Never heard of ya!"

"You stand before the daughter of the Fire Lord!"

"Never heard of 'em either."

"..."

"You seem stressed, wanna talk about it?"

"Which rock did you crawl out of?"

"I'm not from earth country, I'm from fire country!"

"So you're from the fire nation, yet you've no clue who I nor my father am?"

"I'm not from the fire nation, fire country. Why do people get that mixed up so much?"

"What?"

"Ok so, I'm from a place called the elemental nations, fire country specifically."

"And where would that be?"

"East of the border."

"That explains the accent."

"Well, technically I'm from whirlpool and fire country."

"Huh? But you said-"

"I lived in whirlpool by myself for six years, then in fire country for the other six."

"You're twelve, why were you living alone?"

"You don't know what an orphan is? You're family is making a lot of em."

"I should kill you for that statement."

"You can try, anyway I'm not even sure how I got to whirlpool at first, but the way they got to fire country was more kidnapping than anything else, but potato, tomato, or however the saying goes."

Having enough of this conversation, and this kid's very existence, she hurled a wave of flames at the kid, and when they died down, the child unharmed.

"The fuck- you should be dead!"

"But I'm not."

"How?!"

"Death is a social construct, and I don't adhere to norms."

"...Wait, how long have you been in my ship?"

"About three days."

"How have I not noticed you?!"

"You were too busy doing your evil dictator in training routine to notice."

"Look, child-"

"Naruto."

"What?"

"My name is Naruto."

When Kakashi came to, he was alarmed, he didn't even remember getting knocked out, all he remembers was passing a team for the first time then waking up here, in a sparsely lit room in the middle of a large circular table.

"I see you are finally awake."

"Naruto? Where am I?"

"You stand on trial before the council of Naruto!"

"What?..."

Now that Kakashi got a better look at who was sitting at the table, they all looked like Naruto in some form, though, others were the opposite gender.

"Is this a prank?"

"It is not, you must stand council for your crime!"

"My crime?"

"In every universe we have observed-"

A loud crash sounded in the background.

"What was-"

"Nevermind that. A crime of the greatest transgression!-"

Another loud crash, followed by angry voices.

"I swear, those two... The crime of using-"

The voices were yelling now.

"THAT'S IT!"

Naruto -at least one of them- stood up and entered into the back room.

"Stop fighting! We are having a very serious council meeting! Don't make me get the silver!"

The shouting immediately stopped and Naruto returned.

"Sorry bout that, now where was I?"

"I'm sorry, but what was that?"

"Just vampire Naruto and werefox Naruto fighting again.."

"Fighting about what?"

"The same thing as usual, who ate all the banana pudding, they both ate all of it then blame the other, it's annoying really. I swear imma put the pudding in silver bowls so neither gets any.."

"Ok, how about you introduce some people to me, because this is starting to feel like a fever dream."

"Fine. I'm Naruto, not the original but hey, close enough. That's fox Naruto, he's a talking fox."

"Yip!"

"He's says that alot."

"Uh huh."

"Next we have Mobius Naruto."

"He looks like fox Naruto but bipedal.."

"Yea I get that a lot, Sonic says I look like Tails, but that guy has two tails I only have one!"

"Right..."

"Then we have Narumi, this one is a bounty hunter."

"Hi!"

"She seems nice."

"Believe me, she isn't. Anyway, we have neglected Naruto."

"*Emo noises.*"

"Gross.."

"I know. He was neglected by parents, that somehow turned him into an edgelord."

"Is that all the Naruto?"

"Not by a long shot. This is Naruko! She uses swords."

"Hello!"

"Is this one nice?"

"Depends if you beat her in uno. Anyway thats Kyubi Naruto!"

"What?!"

"It's funny really, he...we...I...they? They and Kyubi are swapped, so while Foxy is human, They're a Bijū."

"I was expecting the fur to be orange.."

"Yea, I was disappointed too, but hey blonde is cool too."

"Now, is that all?"

"Still no, this place is a safe haven, or resting spot for all the Narus of the multiverse! But we don't have time to introduce you to all of them since we still have to discuss your crime and everything."

"Huh, so what is my crime?"

"In every universe, no matter which! You always use that damned Thousand Years of Death on us!"

"That's what this is about?"

"He doesn't seem remorseful, how blasphemous!"

"I know, nun Narumi, I know.. what should his punishment be?"

"Remove his fingernails!"

"Too lite."

"Off with his head!"

"Too heavy.."

"Force him to confront his past instead of running away from it!"

"Good good, anything we can add to that?"

"Force him to see a universe where he and everyone he loves is alive, and that version is living his best life!"

"Amazing!"

"..."

Suffice to say, Kakashi was in for a bad time.

Hiruzen had summoned Naruto to the tower, he really didn't want to but it needed to be done, when he did appear Naruto was wearing a robe, fluffy socks, and a frog themed headband to hold his bangs bang.

"You're lucky you called me before I started drinking my daiquiris. What do you want?"

"What are you wearing?"

"My relaxing outfit, now what do you want so I can get back to doing that."

"Well, there is a council meeting and it's on a topic that the Uzumaki clan had major jurisdiction over, and no decisions can be made without their approval.."

"And?"

"Since you're Konoha's only Uzumaki-also the the child of the last clan head-

"What was that last part?"

"Don't worry about it, so technically, you're the Uzumaki clan head, just like Sasuke technically being the Uchiha clan head, we need your input on the situation."

"What's that gotta do with me right now?"

"I just told-"

"Gramps, listen, I get two days off every three weeks, I plan to spend those days either drunk off horses or sleep."

"Naru-"

"Don't care, not listening, should've scheduled the meeting on a different day."

".."

"Anyway, I have a few questions of my own."

"Ask away.."

"Since I'm the head, technically, if the Uzumaki clan, does that mean that there's a compound or something that I can stay in?"

"Yes?"

"Good good, and does it have its own private hot spring?"

"Also yes."

"Great and has it been maintained?"

"Yes, why are you asking me this?"

"Well, imma go live in the Uzumaki compound from now on. And currently, gonna get drunk and fall asleep in the hot spring."

"You might drown if you do that."

"Dying in warm wet bliss is my kinda death."

"That's sounded so wrong.."

"I know, that's why I said it."

Midoriya left one of his analysis notebooks in the common room, and class A(not counting Iida) being the nosy teens they were decided to go through it, and when Midoriya got back from his brief bathroom break, they had some questions.

"Midoriya..buddy..I have a question.."

"What is it? Kaminari?"

"Say..um..how in the Fuck did you get this info!?"

"I don't follow?"

"In your notebook, it has personal information on heroes that not even the press knows!"

"Still don't get it."

"Deku-kun, this page has the number of garter belts in Midnight's collection."

"Standard knowledge."

"Ok, how about this page, the number of Amount Lady's hair and every haircut she's ever had in her life!"

"What about this one, it has the number of scales in Ryukyu's dragon and human form! I didn't even know she had scales in human form!"

"Yea, her skin in human form is actually made up of really small scales, that's why it looks so shiny, the scales just get bigger and more pronounced in dragon form, it's a common thing within transformation quirks, the transformation has an effect on the original body even before activation, so every transformation quirk is a mutant quirk, but not every mutant quirk is a transformation quirk."

"Not what we asked, but thanks for the fun fact, anyway, this page has the name of Mirko's pet rabbit!"

"Oh yea, Rumi jr."

"Wait...is that a photo of BATMAN?!"

"Yea. I remember that, good times."

"How did you get this."

"Robin was sick, so he asked me to sub in for a week."

"Which robin?"

"The youngest one."

"The assassin?! How'd you two even meet?!"

"So my dad is half Romanian, and we went to visit-"

"Don't care, Deku, you were in Gotham for at least a week right?"

"Yup."

"Ok, all I care about is if you punched Joker, HARD."

"Oh I did. The main chemical that he uses in all his Joker solutions, effect 98% of the people on earth, since I'm not in that, most of his weapons that weren't guns didn't really do anything, and thanks to my quirk, bullets didn't do anything either."

"So?"

"He was very squishy."

"I knew you had it in you, Deku, why won't you bring it out in training?!"

"Because it's for villains! Now if you excuse me, I have a game night with Bane and Harley."